Vikings Deny Any Inappropriate Contact with Favre; but Still Think He Has a “Real Purdy Mouth”
He wants you! Don’t go into the Mississippi woods at night, Brett Favre may have something really unpleasant in store.
MINNEAPOLIS, MN (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — The Minnesota Vikings deny tampering charges with on-again off-again Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre, saying they have had absolutely no inappropriate contact the nine time Pro-Bowler. However, in a statement issued yesterday their upper management’s general consensus is that Favre has a “purdy (pretty) mouth.”
“I recently revisited my extensive film collection and came across Deliverance,” said Vikings owner Zygi Wilf. “When I saw that cutie pie Ned Beatty squealing like a pig, running around in his underpants, trying to stave off those toothless, shot gun toting mountain men, I thought to myself, ‘Gee, Brett Favre has a real purdy mouth too, we should get him.’”
“Besides allegations of tampering, the Viking’s brain trust is clearly having some difficulty distinguishing between reality and the early-70’s work of director John Boorman,” said Packers stockholder and occasional film critic, Lars Ruthven. “But as well all know this isn’t the first time an NFL team has walked that blurred line between the gridiron and Boorman’s work. Hell in the Pacific had virtually nothing to do with the Pro-Bowl game played every year in Honolulu, but trying telling that to then Cowboys owner Tex Schramm.”
Favre, who’s from Mississippi, has seen Deliverance several times and admits an affinity for banjo music as well as scouring the woods for plump city boys looking for innocent, outdoorsy weekends, but insists he doesn’t have a “purdy mouth.”
“Actually, it’s a little crooked,” said the future Hall of Famer to an overflowing contingent of media. “Kind of like the Vikings’ ownership.” Favre then chuckled breaking an awkward silence which was followed by knee slapping hysterics. Favre’s knee slapping eventually became more rhythmic, queuing the waiting banjo players to enter the room.
“That’s when the whole thing just broke down into some sort of quasi Dickensian-West Virginia inbreeding hybrid festival,” said reporter Jerome Posner. “I pretty much left right after the fisting of the possum.”
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