It happens to nearly everyone at one time or another. Someone says you remind them of someone else. Perhaps it’s someone famous. In my case, as far back as high school I heard from several people how I reminded them of Dudley Moore. I bring this up because Moore passed away ten years ago today. (more…)
Archive for the ‘Women’ Category
LONDON (Special to TSD After Dark) In a horrifying return to days of yore, Queen Elizabeth ordered the beheadings of ten ordinary Londoners during the annual “Roll Back the Clock” day, traditionally held during the third Saturday in July.
“What a bloody mess that was,” said Lawrence Donaldson, who witnessed three of his neighbors yanked from their homes and forced into the guillotine. “It was a scene more out of Henry VIII than Elizabeth II. Quite frankly, it put a little damper on the picnic we planned on taking at Beachy Head this afternoon.”
A cluster of ten of the queen’s subjects were randomly selected for the beheadings in what the royal family described simply as “a fond remembrance of the shits and giggles from the good old days.” (more…)
In our collaborative screenplay effort, STONERVILLE, which wound up being Leslie Nielsen’s final on-screen appearance, there were days on the set where we just riffed. This scene wasn’t written into the script, but was a gag we’d pull in college on unsuspecting passengers. Pat Cavanaugh and Brian Guest certainly grasped the vibe of this prank. Though it didn’t make the movie, it did appear as an outtake while the credits rolled.
LOS ANGELES (Special to TSD AfterDark) The Charlie Sheen saga continues as the embattled actor went on an all night tiger blood-fueled partying spree which included spouting cryptic parables in his often imitated but never duplicated brand of Sheen-speak.
However, at approximately 3:13 AM Monday morning, Sheen, draped in a bevy of porn stars, inadvertently summoned the spirit of long deceased television pop holy man, Bishop Fulton J. Sheen. The priest reappeared for the first time since 1979, when he succumbed to heart disease. (more…)
UPPER DARBY, PA (Special to TSD AfterDark) It has become increasingly evident that Sarah Palin will run for president in 2012. She has all but announced her candidacy for the White House. On Wednesday before a group of seventh graders in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania, near Philadelphia, Palin announced that one of the first things she would do is increase security by strengthening the border patrol around the mysterious Easter Island.
The announcement drew some oohs and ahhs from a few children, but mostly looks of bewilderment, as well as two chuckles. (more…)
TOPEKA, KS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The controversial Westboro Baptist Church, led by Fred Phelps, has announced they will picket a yet to be named video store close to church grounds because they are selling the movie, Stonerville. The film was pre-released on January 11, 2011. It will be available everywhere this week via Netflix, Blockbuster, iTunes, and Amazon as well as video stores.
Stonerville is a direct-to-DVD frat boy comedy which stars Pauly Shore, Patrick Cavanaugh and the late comedy legend Leslie Nielsen, in his last on-screen appearance. Nielsen passed away in November of 2010. (more…)
BOCA RATON, FL (Special to TSD After Dark) Spam. We get a ton of it here at the TSD offices – No, not the canned food product, but SPAM of the unwanted internet junk mail variety. Lately my inbox has been inundated by ads telling me how I need to spice up my love life with either Viagra or Cialis or a host of other male enhancement products. What gets me are the headlines, and more specifically all the lovely pet names for penis – or slang for wanker, if you prefer. Slang for Wanker. I kind of fancy that phrase. Sounds like an indie band.
Anyway, these are some of the actual terms that have come across the transom that refer to said penis:
New York Strip.
Some admittedly are sharper than others. But it begs the question, is there any other part of the human anatomy (male or female) that has inspired more pet names?
Imagine it being your job to actually come up with these terms. Imagine sitting in the office and actually hearing your boss say “Smithers (because that’s the only name they use for the put upon guy with the prick for a boss), I want you to rush out all that discount Viagra spam immediately, and while you’re at it, come up with about two dozen names for dick.”
I’d rather play in an indie band called Slang for Wanker.
GULF COAST, FL (Special to TSD After Dark) After several failed attempts to plug the massive hole where nearly 100,000 barrels of oil is spilling into the Gulf of Mexico on a daily basis, the BP Corporation will try a radical new theory which they hope will finally seal the gaping chasm. Current pop icons Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber will be submerged to a depth of nearly 5,000 feet below the ocean surface in an attempt to cut off the flowing oil supply. (more…)
TAMARAC, FL (Special to TSD After Dark) Rosemarie Larusso, an 85 year old widow who resides in Royal Point, a South Florida retirement community, was stripped of her “Greatest Generation” membership card on Wednesday for what neighbors call “incessant whining and behavior unbecoming a GG member.” (more…)