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Archive for the ‘Gadgets’ Category

Classic Outtake from STONERVILLE: The Cargasm

Monday, March 14th, 2011

In our collaborative screenplay effort, STONERVILLE, which wound up being Leslie Nielsen’s final on-screen appearance, there were days on the set where we just riffed. This scene wasn’t written into the script, but was a gag we’d pull in college on unsuspecting passengers. Pat Cavanaugh and Brian Guest certainly grasped the vibe of this prank. Though it didn’t make the movie, it did appear as an outtake while the credits rolled.

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The Time Traveler’s Journal: Remember the Good Old Days When Music Didn’t Have a Melody?

Tuesday, February 8th, 2011

by Agent 817 – Pangea Federation

Location. Location. Location. Buy up some space in Andromeda while the prices are still affordable.

Location. Location. Location. Buy up some space in Andromeda while the prices are still affordable.

ANDROMEDA QUADRANT 1787X (Special to TSD) Being from your future – specifically 2052 – It was nice to go back to 2011 for an event called the Super Bowl which featured low brow, highly produced music and a football game played by two long gone professional football teams named the Green Bay Packers and Pittsburgh Steelers; part of a sports league called the NFL. Records indicate that human beings actually played in these games as opposed to the cyborgs who play in games today.

Anyway, back to the music. (more…)

Man Told All His Life “You Don’t Have to Reinvent the Wheel” Reinvents Wheel

Friday, January 7th, 2011

The Wheel Deal. Chester Slavish at work on something.

The Wheel Deal. Chester Slavish at work on something.

NOXEN, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Chester Slavish, an auto mechanic and part time musician has always been told by his father and grandfather that life is an endless abyss of pain and suffering, but if handled properly, could be “half decent.”

“I told him all the time ‘you don’t have to reinvent the wheel’ but he went out and reinvented the darn-blang thing,” said Robert “Bob” Slavish, 67. “You just don’t see that every day.”

The younger Slavish, 42, plays bass in an area country-rock band called Mountain Custard Genitals, but his heart is in everything automotive. (more…)

Even the Sportsman Never Drove This Baby

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

If you could drive one car in the world – any one – what would it be?  For me, it’s 007’s Aston Martin.  It was introduced to the world in the third Bond film, Goldfinger.  Not my favorite of the Sean Connery Bonds, (that distinction goes to From Russia with Love) but certainly one of my favorite Bond moments.

Watch the clip, even Connery salivates over this one – although he’s not inclined to show it.

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Slang for Wanker

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

cialis

BOCA RATON, FL (Special to TSD After Dark) Spam.  We get a ton of it here at the TSD offices – No, not the canned food product, but SPAM of the unwanted internet junk mail variety.  Lately my inbox has been inundated by ads telling me how I need to spice up my love life with either Viagra or Cialis or a host of other male enhancement products.  What gets me are the headlines, and more specifically all the lovely pet names for penis – or slang for wanker, if you prefer. Slang for Wanker.  I kind of fancy that phrase.  Sounds like an indie band.

Anyway, these are some of the actual terms that have come across the transom that refer to said penis:

Device.

Measuring Stick.

Dr. Spank

Flagpole.

Crisis Center.

New York Strip.

and…The Butler.

Some admittedly are sharper than others.  But it begs the question, is there any other part of the human anatomy (male or female) that has inspired more pet names?

Imagine it being your job to actually come up with these terms.  Imagine sitting in the office and actually hearing your boss say “Smithers (because that’s the only name they use for the put upon guy with the prick for a boss), I want you to rush out all that discount Viagra spam immediately, and while you’re at it, come up with about two dozen names for dick.”

I’d rather play in an indie band called Slang for Wanker.

Death Doll

Friday, July 16th, 2010

A few year’s after Twilight Zone’s infamous Talking Tina and several years before the horrific Chucky, there was this – a real, honest to goodness child’s toy from Remco.  To see this thing rocking in the corner in the middle of the night just might be the thing that would permanently drive the sane over the brink.

Behold…Baby Laugh A – Lot

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Twelve Year Old Boy Builds Crude Thermo-Nuclear Device in Basement; Declares War on Bully Next Door

Friday, July 16th, 2010

Put Up Your Nukes. This treehouse is part of little Brent Jewell's demands.

Put Up Your Nukes. This treehouse is part of little Brent Jewell's demands.

SHAVERTOWN, PA (Special to TSD After Dark) Brent Jewell, is not your typical bullied twelve year old. He is not plotting a Columbine-like event just because he’s felt the wrath of neighborhood ruffian Bernie Chalker a few times too often. He instead is devising a plan to seize complete control of Chalker’s bedroom, basement fort, and treehouse. (more…)

Could It Work? BP to Try Plugging Hole With Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

Oily to Rise. Gaga and Bieber will be lowered to the depths at 5:00 A.M.

Oily to Rise. Gaga and Bieber will be lowered to the depths at 5:00 A.M.

GULF COAST, FL (Special to TSD After Dark) After several failed attempts to plug the massive hole where nearly 100,000 barrels of oil is spilling into the Gulf of Mexico on a daily basis, the BP Corporation will try a radical new theory which they hope will finally seal the gaping chasm. Current pop icons Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber will be submerged to a depth of nearly 5,000 feet below the ocean surface in an attempt to cut off the flowing oil supply. (more…)

Facebook Employee Gets Fired for Spending Too Much Time on Facebook

Friday, January 29th, 2010

De-Faced. James R. Lyons, the former Facebook employee is weighing his options.

De-Faced. James R. Lyons, the former Facebook employee is weighing his options.

PALO ALTO, CA (Special to TSD AfterDark) James R. Lyons, an employee of the social networking website Facebook, was let go from his position yesterday after it was discovered he was spending what employers call “entirely too much time on Facebook.”

(more…)

Twelve Year Old Boy Builds Crude Thermo-Nuclear Device in Basement; Declares War on Bully Next Door

Friday, September 11th, 2009

 

Put Up Your Nukes. This treehouse is part of little Brent Jewell's demands.

Put Up Your Nukes. This treehouse is part of little Brent Jewell's demands.

 

 

SHAVERTOWN, PA (Special to TSD After Dark) Brent Jewell, is not your typical bullied twelve year old. He is not plotting a Columbine-like event just because he’s felt the wrath of neighborhood ruffian Bernie Chalker a few times too often. He instead is devising a plan to seize complete control of Chalker’s bedroom, basement fort, and treehouse. (more…)