WASHINGTON (Special to TSD After Dark) Former CIA Officer Roger Delmont’s new book, &%x@! and Other Secrets I Shouldn’t Be Telling You About is due in book stores next month, and chronicles specific torture methods the agency used on al-Qaeda operatives and other terrorists between 2004-2006.
“Without question, waterboarding is just the tip of the iceberg,” Delmont writes. “I am a seasoned CIA veteran. I thought I’d seen everything but even I cringed when I read about a proposed new form of torture. Its disturbing when one contemplates the sick, twisted minds who concocted what was simply labeled as “the torture with no name.” Many of us called it the Birds and Bees Torture. Birds and Bees being a synonym for Facts of Life, which as many know was also the name of a 1980’s sitcom about boarding school teenage girls.”
Delmont goes on to descibe in his book the technique prisoners and detainees themselves labled B&B.
“Generally a half dozen prisoners were locked in a room and placed in restraints in extremely uncomfortable chairs. There heads were locked in place facing a large television screen. Their eyelids were propped open similar to what is universally known as Clockwork Oranging (from the film A Clockwork Orange where a young Malcolm McDowell is forced to watch intense violence as a form of rehabilitation). Unable to look away, the prisoners were shown uniterrupted episodes of The Facts of Life. They were also required to learn and sing aloud the series’ theme song.”
In Delmont’s book, prisoner Hasan el-Abdul talks about being B&B’d.
“First off, the song was brutal – just a horrid bubble gum pop mess that insidiously gets in your head and never leaves. But for me it was the insufferable, over the top performance of Charlotte Rae, who dressed like a West Side London whore and had a grating voice I will hear until I die. The plots were saccharine sickly sweet and meaningless with virtually zero story arc or any redeeming moral value, unless you’re a big fan of keeping your virginity. Sometimes they made us watch the same episode for three days. We were allowed to use the bathroom, but the sound was pumped into the toilet area so we never escaped the cacophonous, wretched, high pitched squeel of Rae and her annoying, entitled, bratty, unusually large breasted teenage co-stars. For the record, I have to admit it was one hell of an effective torture. I really spilled the beans – for example, the proposed plan of a giant concret hand we would place strategically in front of Lincoln on Mount Rushmore to make it look like as though he’s thumbing his nose at America. We really wanted to keep that one a surprise.”
The release of Delmont’s book has been delayed three times, as the CIA plans on redacting several chapters.