DALLAS, PA (Special to TSD AfterDark) Jerry Lawford was really looking forward to reconnecting with old high school friends and catching up on old times at his thirtieth high school reunion. Unfortunately for him, what happened last Saturday evening will forever tarnish that memory.
Lawford, an accountant currently living in Bethesda, Maryland who graduated from Dallas Senior High School in Dallas, Pennsylvania in 1981, was enjoying some small talk with former classmates Tony Cabrese and Rusty Moorhead when he was tapped on the shoulder by reputed class bully, Bernie Conrad, currently a contractor in Dayton, Ohio. Conrad then marched Lawford into an adjacent cloak room, slammed him against the wall and demanded his milk money.
“We were all kind of waiting around to see how Jerry would handle it,” said Moorhead. “But he kind of pussied out. He just handed the money over to Bernie, who actually wound up buying a couple of his cronies some Kettle One martinis. Talk about a step up from a half pint of milk.”
Lawford compounded the embarrassment when he ratted out Conrad to Mrs. Stapleton, a retied math teacher who was quite popular among the students, prompting several classmates to repeatedly chant “rat, snitch, squealer, narc.” Lawford’s decision was ill-advised as Stapleton’s jurisdiction was quite limited considering she doesn’t teach anymore, is restricted to a wheelchair, and suffers from level 6 dementia.
Reports that Conrad later kicked Stapleton down a flight of stairs could not be confirmed.
Lawford vowed revenge by either using a pocket knife his grandfather gave him while fishing at Bowman’s Creek, or by instigating a full audit of Conrad by contacting friends at the IRS.