LONDON (Special to TSD After Dark) In a horrifying return to days of yore, Queen Elizabeth ordered the beheadings of ten ordinary Londoners during the annual “Roll Back the Clock” day, traditionally held during the third Saturday in July.
“What a bloody mess that was,” said Lawrence Donaldson, who witnessed three of his neighbors yanked from their homes and forced into the guillotine. “It was a scene more out of Henry VIII than Elizabeth II. Quite frankly, it put a little damper on the picnic we planned on taking at Beachy Head this afternoon.”
A cluster of ten of the queen’s subjects were randomly selected for the beheadings in what the royal family described simply as “a fond remembrance of the shits and giggles from the good old days.”
Terrified pedestrians watched in disbelief as the heads of their fellow citizens rolled about the streets like ketchup covered soccer balls.
Among the dead were Clive Sifferton-Winngham, Roger Moriarty, Crone Collins III, Alicia Burlington-Hodgkins, Nigel Seagrave-Daly, Richard “Dickie” Cocksmith, Carolyn Ladymount, Cameron Carl Goodfinger, Colin Yates, and James Blithering Peckish.
Bangers and Mash were served at special kiosks in the midtown area immediately afterwards.