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Demolition of Fabled Parthenon Approved to Build New Walmart

Civilization. Move over history. Big business is coming.

ATHENS (Special to TSD AfterDark) In an effort to continue it’s international expansion, Walmart has reached a deal with the Greek government to build a 150,000 square foot location on Acropolis Hill, home of the legendary Parthenon. The exalted structure and it’s surrounding buildings will all be torn down to accommodate the facility and enough parking for 250 vehicles. Construction is set to begin this October. 

“People will have the chance to give the thing one last perusal, before the wrecking ball finishes the job the Venetians began with the bombing of the Parthenon on September 26, 1687. So, bringing your cameras.” said Lloyd Button, lead architect with Adler, Button and Willard.

Many Greeks are furious and protests have begun at the foot of the Acropolis and Syntagma Square in the heart of Athens.

“This is an outrage.” said Spiro Pericles, a distant relative of Pericles who led the construction which began in 447 B.C. “Look, I wasn’t born yesterday. I get the idea of being able to swing by Walmart on the way home from work to grab some batteries for your XBox remote control and a bag of chips, but we are talking about a building I’ve kinda gotten used to seeing up there. So yeah, I’m a tad pissed.”

Walmart claims it isn’t insensitive to the rich Greek history it will effectively put to rest, or to the fact that people around the world who might have an affinity for buildings dating back more that 2,000 years.

“We get it.” said Walmart spokesperson, Connor Lawford. “The Greeks have given the world philosophy, the modern alphabet, democracy, theatre, as well as western architecture…and uh, well, you know…a bunch of stuff. So, with that in mind, we’re putting in a gyro stand, and our support beams in the sporting goods area will look like Corinthian columns.”

 

 

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