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Posts Tagged ‘Nuclear’

Twelve Year Old Boy Builds Crude Thermo-Nuclear Device in Basement; Declares War on Bully Next Door

Friday, May 15th, 2009

 

 

Put Up Your Nukes. This treehouse is part of little Brent Jewell's demands.

Put Up Your Nukes. This treehouse is part of little Brent Jewell's demands.

 

 

SHAVERTOWN, PA (Special to TSD After Dark) Brent Jewell, is not your typical bullied twelve year old. He is not plotting a Columbine-like event just because he’s felt the wrath of neighborhood ruffian Bernie Chalker a few times too often. He instead is devising a plan to seize complete control of Chalker’s bedroom, basement fort, and treehouse. 

“I have been able to stockpile a tidy bundle of highly-enriched uranium and have devoted my off hours into creating this crude albeit effective nuclear device,” Jewell said while proudly showing off the containment chamber as he gnawed on a liberal slab of Cherry Twizzlers®. “I intend to teach this theatre-seat-sniffing rapscallion a thing or two about respect. I expect by noon at Monday he will not only publicly apologize to me in front of the entire middle school student body, but cheerfully give me unlimited access to his treehouse, basement fort, and comic book and baseball card collection. I’ve also had my eye on his older sister Denise, whom I expect to give me French kissing lessons this summer down by Toby’s Creek.”

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