Screwball. Jimmy Manson’s avant-garde baseball theories might have a ripple effect throughout the entire Mets system.

ST. LUCIE, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Jimmy Manson, the 47 year old bastard son of killer Charles Manson was named Bench Coach of the New York Mets Single-A affiliate, St. Lucie Mets.

The younger Manson, who bears a striking resemblance to his infamous father, says he doesn’t remember much about his dad and was raised by his aunt and uncle. His mother, known simply as “Buzzie,” disappeared without a trace in June of 1969, though it is believed her voice can be heard singing backup on a series of folk-rock recordings by the Manson Family done at Spahn Ranch in the spring of 1968. Read the rest of this entry »

Miracle on the Hudson Redux: Amtrak train lands safely in the Hudson.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The 8:20 Amtrak train out of Penn Station was expected to arrive in Albany at 10:50, carrying a contingent of NY lawmakers who were accompanied by Chesley Sullenberger, the celebrated pilot who was to be honored in the state capital later in the morning. But somewhere between the Poughkeepsie and Rhinecliff-Kingston stations — which are fifteen minutes apart – the train ran the rails and began its plunge into the cold waters of the Hudson River below. Read the rest of this entry »

Lost in Translation. This undated photo shows an overseas office bustling with sports satire that may be hard hitting, but dripping with ambiguity.

The Problem: Sports Humor Lost in Translation

BOCA RATON, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) With the cost of satire on the rise, The Sportsman’s Daily made a bold move last December by outsourcing a bulk of its satirical writing overseas.  The sense of excitement in the company’s main office soon turned to one of profound frustration. Read the rest of this entry »

Charles Barkley uses an extended lull in his approach shot to discuss his hopes of joining an Obama administration in an as-yet unknown capacity.

LAKE TAHOE (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Outspoken basketball legend Charles Barkley briefly considered running as a Republican candidate for Alabama’s governorship in the 1998 election. Since that time he’s changed his party affiliation (“I was a Republican until they lost their minds”) and is on record as an enthusiastic supporter of President Barack Obama.

Now, Barkley is making noises about seeking a position in the  Obama administration, though his experience in matters of state appears to be slim at best. Read the rest of this entry »

An undated photo of conservative icon and Renaissance man William F. Buckley in a companionable mood prior to an Atlantic voyage.

STAMFORD, CT (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Conservative icon, publisher, writer, raconteur, TV host, harpsichordist, skier, painter, sailor, husband, father, friend and mentor, former CIA spook, Yale alum (Skull and Bones, ‘50), gourmet cook and male model (etc., etc.) William F. Buckley, died two years ago to the day at the age of 82. The author of 50 books, ranging from spy novels to political polemics, Buckley also penned a series of well-received journals/meditations on his epic sailing adventures. Usually accompanied by an assortment of highly accomplished friends – ambassadors, undersecretaries, prominent writers and barons of industry – his sailing books recount high-minded exchanges among unfailingly convivial spirits, with generous doses of the author’s characteristic erudition, charm, wit and philosophy. So it came as a tremendous shock when recently discovered log entries reveal the dark, previously unreported underside of Mr. Buckley’s seemingly larkish, good-natured adventures. Read the rest of this entry »

Take two Alprazolam and call me in the morning. Docs tell Warriors fans to chill out and just accept the fact that their team bites it.

OAKLAND, CA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) ˜ They haven’t sniffed an NBA title since the 1974-75 season, when Rick Barry led them to their last championship. But Golden State Warriors fans keep going to games hoping “this will be the year.”

At first the NBA League Office thought that it was just a loyal group of Bay Area basketball fans that support the team. But after an exhaustive three year study, the American Medical Association has determined that Warriors fans are suffering from an unusual condition known as Collective Monothematic Delusion. Read the rest of this entry »

Follow Ty Cobb on Twitter!

BOCA RATON, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) SimulCom, a video and voice simulation company based in Boca Raton, Florida, creates computer-generated simulations of encounters with world historical figures. Go to their website and chat it up with Isaac Newton, George Bernard Shaw, FDR, or Babe Ruth. Type in a question and 7 out of 10 times you’ll get a relevant answer.

The company has just announced that it has harnessed its technology to transmit “tweets” from long dead sports stars. Among the Twitter-ers are the aforementioned Babe, baseball’s Ty Cobb, football great Red Grange, heavyweight champ Jack Dempsey and basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain. Users choose which dead sports legend to follow, and through the day they receive tweets from what SimulCom’s founder and CEO Arthur Wolfson calls (via a tweet, naturally) “the playing flds of the grt beyond.” Read the rest of this entry »

Lean and Green. The lovely Erin Andrews has been green-screened onto Melvin Frisbee’s bed, where he imagines himself seducing her in his own personal Star Trek episode.

BRISTOL, CT. (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Melvin Frisbee has been the man behind many of ESPN’s more impressive digital graphics effects for the past two years. But on Thursday Frisbee admitted to his bosses there was something he could no longer keep secret.

The twenty-seven year old CGI whiz has been green-screening ESPN sports reporter Erin Andrews into his bedroom since August, 2009. Green-screening, a longtime television visual effect, allows the subject in front of a camera to appear to be anywhere – depending on the background that is chosen. Read the rest of this entry »

She's Grrrreat!! Tiger discusses the exploits of his finest side action.

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The world’s number one golfer, Tiger Woods apologized to the world on Friday morning in a heartfelt statement before a specially invited group of family and friends as well as select members of the media.  Woods said he is “deeply sorry.” He added, “I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated. What I did was not acceptable.”

After the nearly fourteen minute statement Woods did speak briefly with three members of the media including TSD’s Gregory Jansen and did confirm that of all his affairs, stripper Foxy LaRue was “undoubtedly the finest piece of tail I ever had.” Read the rest of this entry »

Old School (of hard knocks) for one unfortunate scalper.

WASHINGTON DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Cornelius “Corny” Peppers was known to fans in the Washington DC metro as the “man to meet” when it came to getting great seats to area sporting events.  He was the scalper’s scalper. In the late 1960’s throughout the 1970’s and 80’s, you  could count on tickets for anything. From the Redskins and Washington Bullets to the expansion Senators, Peppers could deliver.

But as times changed, Peppers refused to change with them. His style of discreetly hanging out between cars, away from the authorities, was replaced by a coordinated network of cell phone and Blackberry using smooth talkers decked out in game worn jerseys. Peppers would occasionally attract the old timers, but they were dying off. Read the rest of this entry »