Wade and See Attitude. Dwyane Wade, Brett Favre and a host of other celebs who get no respect from spell checks are lining up for a fight.

REDMOND, WA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) One is considered by most to be a top five quarterback in NFL history. The other is one of the true superstars of today’s NBA. Both are unquestionably household names in sports. That’s partly why they’re standing arm in arm against computer programmers.  It seems not all word document programs recognize the odd spellings of Dwyane Wade, Brett Favre and others.

“I can’t believe it,” said Wade. “What’s so hard about rewriting some software that recognizes the ‘y’ before the ‘a’ instead of the way everyone else on the planet correctly spells Dwayne? I just want to be dirrefent – uh, I mean different.” (more…)

Slugfest! Nyjer Morgan claims victory. Miami fans differ.

MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Washington Nationals outfielder Nyjer Morgan had prepared for his WWE qualifying bout for days. Training began in Philadelphia last  month when he threw a ball into the stands at a heckler.  Hoping to incite a donnybrook, Morgan was left with nothing but a seven game suspension.

Morgan remained focused on achieving WWE status and may have gotten one step closer on Wednesday night in Miami. (more…)

Heroes and Aliens. A recently de-classified photo of Jackie Robinson posing with X-^g^*xC, whose fastball was then clocked at 153 miles per hour.

X-^g^*xC To Dress for SF Giants Game This Week

SAN FRANCISCO (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — The year was 1947. The great Jackie Robinson tore down the archaic racial divide that prevented African-Americans from playing Major League Baseball. But that very same year, unbeknownst to Robinson and most Americans, and more than halfway across the country, an alien spaceship crashed in Roswell, New Mexico igniting a controversy which has been hotly debated to this day; namely the existence of intelligent life outside our solar system. But now believers in the massive Roswell Cover-up have been rewarded. (more…)

The Good Life. Larry Swarski’s time on Earth is measured in seconds.

PITTSBURGH  (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) In an effort to encourage a healthier ballpark experience, the Pittsburgh Pirates say they plan to offer turkey hot dogs at specified locations throughout PNC Park the rest of the season. (more…)

Night Game. Expect the World Series to have a markedly different twist.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) There are no guarantees the Philadelphia Phillies will make their third straight World Series appearance this October, but one thing is for sure, one of the City of Brotherly Love’s favorite sons will be there.

M. Night Shyamalan, director of such acclaimed epics as The Sixth Sense and Signs has been set to direct this year’s World Series on FOX.

Shyamalan, whose most recent films have been largely panned by critics and have struggled at the box office, is attempting a comeback of sorts in a medium he calls “live reality sports TV.”   Though Shyamalan assures the integrity of the World Series, he says he plans some unexpected surprises for the 2010 fall classic. (more…)

Toodle-Lou! Lou Piniella says farewell and good luck to the star-crossed Cubbies.

CHICAGO (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) An emotional Lou Piniella bid farewell to the Chicago Cubs and their fans on Sunday after an excruciating 16-5 trouncing at the hands of the National League East leading Atlanta Braves.

After four seasons as skipper of the Northsiders, Piniella abruptly left the club to care for his ailing mother.

“I took this gig because I believed maybe, just maybe, I could turn things around. Perhaps even reverse the curse,” said Piniella speaking of the Curse of the Billy Goat. “What the hell was I thinking? This team is a bewitched, damned, bedeviled, star-crossed, jinxed, unsanctified, cloven-footed circus on wheels that will never see a World Series again in my or my grandchild’s lifetime.” (more…)

Grabbed this video capture with an iPhone. Cleveland Indians right fielder Shin-Soo Choo makes an incredible sliding catch in right field against the White Sox. Meanwhile, the guy in the foreground holding the beer could care less. Hey buddy, if you don’t have the baseball savvy to turn around and watch some spectacular defense, you’re probably better served enjoying your brew at the corner bar. Its cheaper.

Pretty Machete Attitude. Anthony Genovese of Havertown, PA is just as excited about the weekend series as anyone.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Gearing up for a weekend series during the pennant drive in Philadelphia and you can expect boundless energy.  Perhaps more than the Washington Nationals and a few visiting fans making the trek up I-95 to the City of Brotherly Love are accustomed to.  The Nats and their relatively laid back, casual fans, were told to prepare for the onslaught of the classic Philadelphia sports fan – the crazed, passionate fanatics who in the past have been able to rattle pitchers off the mound with booing and yelling.

Apparently the Phillies and their fans have something extra special in store for the team from nation’s capital. (more…)

Asteroid Rage. Mark McGwire denies he ingested asteroid fragments. Then breaks down and admits he did "something."

NASA Supplied Former Slugger with Space Dust Particles in Effort to Be More Cosmic

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Major League Baseball’s league office in New York is concerned a new scandal is looming. Though the spelling is only one letter off, the effects of (a)steroids pose an entirely new set of problems for former Major League slugger Mark McGwire, and possibly others.

It is now alleged that McGwire regularly used asteroids. (more…)

Flame Thrower. Minor League pitcher Francis Grogan, here looking remarkably like pop diva Elton John, expects to get his fastball back up into the mid-90's in time for the 2011 Winter League. If that fails, he can always get work as a sexually-ambiguous mascot.

BURLINGTON, IA. (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Faced with a career threatening elbow injury, Burlington Bees pitcher Francis Grogan elected to shut down his season last month and have Tommy John surgery to alleviate the problem. While the Kansas City Royals Single A affiliate’s coaching staff was encouraged by Grogan’s swift recovery, the outcome was not what they expected.

It is not everyday that a pitcher undergoes Tommy John surgery and emerges with the attitude and outlandish fashion sense of an internationally acclaimed pop diva. (more…)

Votto's Grotto. Joey's new mob hangout or fan club?

CINCINNATI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Carlo Rizzi. Paul Vitti. Fictional mobsters from the movies.

Add Joey Votto to the list. Though Votto isn’t fictional, you couldn’t convince members of the Gambino Crime Family the Reds slugging first baseman wasn’t one of them.

“Nice Italian boy with a big fuckin’ bat,” said Caporegime, James “Jimmy Googatz” Micinelli. “You better believe he’s a made man. Anybody throws at this guy’s head ever, and I’ll break their fuckin’ legs!” (more…)