Bullets Over Broadway? Maybe, if Isiah takes the gig.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — In a controversial move that has confounded Knicks fans, league officials, and just about anyone who casually follows professional sports – or high profile sex harassment cases — Knicks owner James Dolan is planing to re-hire Isaish Thomas, whose failure as Knicks GM was nothing short of epic. Dolan appears to be doubling down by looking to re-engage Larry Brown, whose failure in his single season as Knicks coach caused super fan Woody Allen such agida he quit New York to make an succession of films in Europe. (more…)

Three Dawg Heat. Show time South Beach style is just the tip of the iceberg.

BOCA RATON, FL. (Special to Sportsman’s Daily) When Michael Jordan stated he didn’t want to be like LeBron James and call up Larry Bird and Magic Johnson to form a super team, I believed him. His competitive spirit really wouldn’t allow it. “I wanted to beat those guys,” Jordan said. His Airness simply wouldn’t tarnish his legacy playing on a team of superstars – save the All-Star Game or the Dream Team. Granted, he had Scottie Pippen, but go back and look at nearly every championship team. The so called superstar/leader was flanked by one or two other very good to great player(s). Magic had Kareem and Worthy. Larry had McHale and Parrish. Bill Russell had Bob Cousy, then John Havlicek. And even Wilt Chamberlain had Billy Cunningham and Hal Greer in Philly and later Elgin Baylor and Jerry West on the Lakers. The history of the NBA is filled with dynamic duos and trios of doom. (more…)

Pearl Knick-less. If Woody Allen has his way, it will be as if Earl “The Pearl” Monroe and everything connected to the Knicks never existed.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Film Director Woody Allen is returning to New York for his next feature film, a yet untitled work that suggests the New York Knicks never existed in any time or any place.

“As most people know, I love the Knicks as most New Yorkers did at one time,” said the 74 year old filmmaker who has had season tickets since the 1970’s. “But of course those were the Knicks of Reed, Bradley, Frazier, and my personal favorite, Earl Monroe. What we’ve endured the past thirty years is a travesty. It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham. Therefore my latest work will depict the organization as having never existed. I just think it’s best for everyone.” (more…)

Cleveland Cavaliers present fashionable surveillance ankle bracelet to retiring fan Dan Schultz. Organization makes it clear that Schultz' retirement is binding and irreversible.

CLEVELAND (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Dick Schultz, a fifty-five year unemployed plant worker and fanatical Cavaliers fan from Akron, startled family, friends and co-workers when earlier today he announced his retirement, having given 40 of his so-called best years to his beloved team.

“You can’t be a fan forever, you have to know when to call it quits,” said Shultz.

Schultz claims it has nothing to do with Lebron James’s decision to bolt the Cavs and sign with the widely reviled Miami Heat. (more…)

Ring Leader? Dan Marino to Join Trio of Doom on Heat Roster.

NFL Hall of Famer to Throw Half Court Passes

MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The “decision” came down at 9:27 PM Thursday night when LeBron James announced he’d be taking his act to South Beach and join Dywane Wade and Chris Bosh on the Miami Heat.

This prompted spontaneous proclamations in the palm tree lined streets of the city of a guaranteed championship. That’s when former Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino made some news of his own and announced he’d be joining the trio of doom on the Heat’s roster. (more…)

Mel Gibson defines the difference between trash and trash talk.

LOS ANGELES. CA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) While Mel Gibson has never played high school, college, let alone professional basketball, the notoriously volatile 54 year old actor has joined the likes of LeBron James and Dwayne Wade in testing his value on the NBA’s open market.

“Contrary to opinion, Mel hasn’t completely lost his mind,” said a Gibson confidant. “He knows he has about as much chance of landing with an NBA team as Michael Richards has at keynoting the next  NAACP convention.  Mel looks at it as a chance to sign with a conspicuously Jewish agent and look like he’s got no problem taking a back seat, in a manner of speaking, on a bench over-represented with  men of color.  It’s a chance to change the optics.”

“Optics, shmoptics, ” said Gibson’s former girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, who captured Gibson’s racist rant on tape. “Best thing  is team signs Mel to long term deal and little bastard has to spend nine months out of every year with minimum 11  very large black men. Maybe team have Jewish owner or GM. To Mel worse than five years in Gulag.”

Baby LeBron Fiddleman, Free Agent Class of 2030

SADDLE BROOK, NJ (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) In a fit of wishful thinking, a five foot six inch New Jersey periodontist named his two month old son LeBron Fiddleman in tribute to the NBA’s most famous soon-to-be-free agent.

“Whether or not LeBron grows up to be a professional basketball player is neither here nor there, I just want to give the kid something to shoot for,” said Dr.  Norman Fiddleman. “LeBron James is a great player.  If little LeBron is half the player, I’ll be happy.” (more…)

Got Lame. George “Set Shot” Slavish launches a shot in this 1948 photo when he played in a semi-pro league in Scranton, Pennsylvania. He led the league in scoring that year with 6.0 average.

SCRANTON, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — At age eighty-five, George Slavish still played pick up basketball three times a week in the Scranton Over Seventy League. Though he long ago lost his respectable dribbling abilities and trick shot making skills, his on court savvy never abandoned him. But Slavish’s days in basketball ended suddenly last Tuesday after he managed to steal a ball from seventy-seven year old Abe Kitzman. While attempting to make an open court layup as several teammates and opponents were gasping for oxygen, Slavish collapsed to the hardwoods, the victim of a massive stroke.

“He made that play with all the alacrity of a sea turtle – it was profoundly mundane – lame, but serviceable. That’s our George,” said teammate Jimmy Ligouri. It took ninety-one year old coach Arnie Kotch forty-four minutes to figure out how to dial 911. (more…)

Kobe Beefed Up. Bryant moments after winning it all.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Kobe Bryant captured the fifth championship ring of his illustrious career on Thursday night as the Los Angeles Lakers defeated the Boston Celtics 83-79.

With tears streaming from his eyes, Lakers teammate Pau Gasol announced to teammates his family, visiting from Spain, prepared a sumptuous Spanish buffet for the entire team. (more…)

When Irish Eyes Are Smilin'. This smile means you're through.

BOSTON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Boston Celtics are just one win away from capturing their eighteenth NBA championship. The series will shift back to Los Angeles for Game 6, placing the Lakers in a must win situation. But many Lakers have stopped focusing on winning anything after what happened yesterday after their 92-86 loss. (more…)

Shaquille O'Neal demonstrates off-season game face, which is usually followed by a bone-weary sigh and a two hour "power" nap.

MIAMI, FL (The Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) – Thirty-eight year old Shaquille O’Neal played the better part of the regular season like an aging opera star protecting his vocal chords. But by the time the 2010 playoffs rolled around, the Cleveland Cavaliers could not  have done worse if they had Italian tenor Pavarotti in the paint, going down to the aging Boston Celtics.

When Shaq announced his intentions to return for the 2010-2011 campaign — possibly beyond — he was asked if he planned on committing to a more rigorous off-season regimen than was his custom.  It’s no secret that Shaq’s off-season typically consists of an endless cycle of public appearances, commercial shoots, lavish Caribbean vacations, star-studded parties and galas and, yes, even house chores. While he mumbled some words to the effect that he planned on getting his creaky 38 year old body ready for one, possibly two more seasons,  friends and associates privately admit that he’s been thus far unable – perhaps unwilling — to commit to the off-season, his lack of focus and energy in mid-season form. (more…)