OXFORD, MISS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Will he or won’t he? As Senator John McCain decides whether or not to show up for tonight’s scheduled debate in Oxford, Mississippi, the Obama campaign is considering its options.
One is whether to accept the McCain campaign’s offer to debate 87 year-old McCain supporter/surrogate Max Shapiro, who hails from Tamarac, Florida. Shapiro, a former boxer who fought under the name Max “the Knife” Shavers, is known in Century Village circles as a “combative son of a bitch” with little patience for Democrats, minorities, children, pets and just about anyone not named Max Shapiro.
“Max is an ornery bastard, he’s been making trouble at board meetings since I can remember,” said Evelyn Blatt, President of Tamarac’s Century Village, an enclave boiling with cantankerous retirees. “He’s cheap, argumentative and thinks anyone to the left of Genghis Khan is a commie. But I’ll give him this – he’s still pretty sharp, considering his age and the blows he absorbed to the head in his youth. I wouldn’t underestimate him…he knows the talking points.”
Bev Shapiro, Max’s 52 year old daughter, is afraid it’s just another McCain stunt and urges her father to re-consider.
“Remember Zell Miller in ’04? Well, put Zell Miller on a fixed income, with irritable bowel syndrome and a lifetime of bitter disappointment and you’ve got dad. I don’t follow politics that closely, but even I can see what’s going on here – watch some black guy harass an old, seemingly defenseless Jew from South Florida. The only thing is, the McCain people should have done a better job vetting my dad – when they see this angry old guy waving a fist at Obama and calling him a thieving schvartze, he’s not going to be looking all that sympathetic.”
The Obama camp hopes that Senator McCain reconsiders his position and attends the debate; if he doesn’t, they say their candidate will happily “break challah and kibbitz” with the man who many in his community remember as “the only Jew who really did vote for Buchanan in 2000.”