Taylor Made CGB driver used to tee off on company reps.

FARMINGDALE, NY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — “Get the clubs the pros are using on us,” screams the ad from Taylor Made, a California-based manufacturer of golf clubs. Yesterday, the national promotional campaign took a horrible turn when its meaning was catastrophically misinterpreted by scores of literal-minded golfers eager to give the clubs a try. Brandishing an assortment of irons and fairway metals from Taylor Made’s new CGB Max Golf Set, golfers proceeded to “use” them on unsuspecting Taylor Made sales reps staging demos at golf courses around the country. Beatings were reported at some of the nation’s best known courses, including Heron Bay in South Florida, Bethpage on Long Island, and Pebble Beach in California.

“Thanks to our patented SuperFast Technology, which reduces total club weight while promoting faster swing speed for added distance, none of the injuries were life-threatening, “said company spokesman Joshua Blank. “I shudder to think what would have happened if patrons opted for Callaway or Nike or Tommy Armour clubs – their added clubhead weight would have caused untold carnage.” (more…)

Hazardous Move. Dustin Johnson holding the iron he removed from his anus.

SHEBOYGAN, WI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) In what was one of the strangest penalties in the annals of professional golf, Dustin Johnson “grounded” himself right out of a possible PGA Championship on Sunday afternoon.  The tournament was eventually won in a two way playoff with Germany’s Martin Kaymer defeating Bubba Watson.

Johnson grounded his iron in the sand of a bunker before hitting a shot – a clear penalty. However, Johnson, his caddy, and apparently thousands of members of the gallery, had no idea he was standing in a bunker. Not even the TV announcers knew at the time he was standing in a bunker.  The course rules at Whistling Straights reference bunkers positioned outside the ropes and other irregularities. Translation: bunkers that don’t look like bunkers. (more…)

Run of the Mill. Tiger fell apart at the infamous windmill.

AKRON, OH (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Reeling off a wretched showing at Firestone Country Club where he finished 18 over par including a 77 on Sunday, Tiger Woods was hoping to lift his spirits with a game of miniature golf at the nearby Silly Shotz Miniature Golf Course.

His opponent was nine year old Billy Jensen of Cuyahoga Falls. (more…)

Brit Hits the Fan. Tiger was unhappy when he learned the truth about the British tabloids.

ST. ANDREWS, SCOTLAND (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Its British Open time and Tiger Woods is trying to correct his golf game and once again live up to his number one world ranking. That correction comes on the heels of a nearly nine month long media firestorm after an early morning car accident last November. The floodgates opened afterwards which led to Woods admitting to several affairs.

Besides the restoration of his game, Woods is relieved he’ll finally be able to escape what he refers to as “a vicious tabloid press” and live life like a normal person. (more…)

I'm in the Hole! Larry Barker got to live by his words. In a manner of speaking.

AUGUSTA, GA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It’s springtime in Georgia.  That means the Masters.  And the first leg of the grand slam featured all the drama one would expect – culminating with a third green jacket for Phil Mickelson. Then there’s the story of what happened to Larry Barker.

Barker, perhaps the most annoying fan the sport has known, was again unable to control is bombastic “get in the hole” chants, especially with Tiger Woods and Lee Westwood hitting off the tee. (more…)

Tigress. Just one of the pleasure-giving entourage expected to be in the gallery.

AUGUSTA, GA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Tiger Woods is making his return today to professional golf at what is arguably the most revered major tournament on the PGA Tour – The Masters.  After his highly publicized late night car accident opened the floodgates to his numerous affairs, the usually private Woods was forced to go public with his infidelities. It was learned that although Woods was married and a family man, a barrage of strippers and prostitutes were at the golf legend’s beckon call. (more…)

She's Grrrreat!! Tiger discusses the exploits of his finest side action.

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The world’s number one golfer, Tiger Woods apologized to the world on Friday morning in a heartfelt statement before a specially invited group of family and friends as well as select members of the media.  Woods said he is “deeply sorry.” He added, “I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated. What I did was not acceptable.”

After the nearly fourteen minute statement Woods did speak briefly with three members of the media including TSD’s Gregory Jansen and did confirm that of all his affairs, stripper Foxy LaRue was “undoubtedly the finest piece of tail I ever had.” (more…)

What a Rascal. Arnie slammed his Rascal adult scooter intentionally in support of Tiger Woods.

ORLANDO (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Golfing legend Arnold Palmer has recently found himself defending fellow golfer and friend Tiger Woods after Woods’ single car crash opened the flood gates and subsequent media storm on the world’s top golfer’s personal life. Yesterday, he ratcheted up that defense.

“It’s unfortunate,” said Palmer. “Personally, I don’t think there’s much of a story here. But in an effort to divert some of the attention away from Tiger, I have actively taken things into my own hands.” (more…)

Nice hat. Ted Knight died in 1986, but apparently no one’s had the heart to tell him.

Caddyshack Star Terrorizes Golfers with Harrowing Cry of “Well, we’re waiting!”

DAVIE, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service)Grande Oaks Golf Club, formerly Rolling Hills Golf Club, where the motion picture Caddyshackwas shot in the fall of 1979, is one of many South Florida golf courses where reports of disturbing encounters with the long dead character actor, Ted Knight continue to surface.

But lately the paranormal events have become more frequent and unsettling. (more…)

Tiger and Elin Woods butt heads at event earlier in year, the first signs of marital strife.

ORLANDO, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Tiger Woods’ 2009 Cadillac Escalade crashed into a fire hydrant and a neighbor’s tree as he was pulling out of his driveway around 2:25 a.m. Friday in the gated community of Isleworth outside Orlando. A local police chief said Woods’ wife used a golf club to smash out the back window to help get him out.

While details remain sketchy, swing coach Roger Hardwick applauded Elin Woods’ quick thinking in selecting the right club for the “tricky lie” Tiger found himself in. (more…)

One Good Stroke. Tom Watson needed just one good stroke twice in one day.

TURNBERRY, SCOTLAND (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) On the heels of his epic ride to golf history in the 2009 British Open, Tom Watson felt the sting of failure for a second time. 

After missing a par putt in regulation to win the trophy at age 59, and opening the door for a four hole playoff against eventual winner Stewart Cink, Watson still felt he could at the very least, turn his luck around in the bedroom. (more…)

With little but the millions of dollars, hot Swedish wife and global adulation to console him, Tiger will just have to play through the heartache -- just like you and me.

ORLANDO, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Having shocked the golf world by missing his first-ever British Open cut, Tiger Woods was returning home from Turnberry, Scottland late Friday only to see his driving woes continue. But this time it was his 2008 Buick SUV that he drove off-course, landing in a water hazard from a private golf course that abutted the road he was traveling. The SUV would remain stuck for some 15 minutes until help arrived. (more…)