Archive for the ‘Golf’ Category

Ghost of Ted Knight Won’t Stop Haunting South Florida Golf Courses

Monday, November 14th, 2016

Caddyshack Star Terrorizes Golfers with Harrowing Cry of “Well…we’re waiting!”

 

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Nice hat. Ted Knight died in 1986, but apparently no one’s had the heart to tell him.

DAVIE, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Grande Oaks Golf Club, formerly Rolling Hills Golf Club, where the motion picture Caddyshack was shot in the fall of 1979, is one of many South Florida golf courses where reports of disturbing encounters with the long dead character actor, Ted Knight continue to surface.

But lately the paranormal events have become more frequent and unsettling. (more…)


Tiger Woods Offered $10 Million to Perform Circumcision

Tuesday, June 7th, 2016

 

Gulp.

GREENWICH, CT (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — While sponsors have been slow to come around since his widely reported indiscretions, Tiger Woods’ victory in this past weekend’s Arnold Palmer invitational, has attracted several highly unusual requests.  None more so  than one made by an unidentified Greenwich couple who have offered to pay the golf superstar a large sum of money to perform a “high risk” circumcision. The couple’s attorney reached out to Tiger Woods, who is neither Jewish nor a licensed mohel in the state of Florida, his primary residence, to perform the ritual removal of their infant son’s foreskin. (A mohel is an observant Jew who has been trained in the relevant Jewish law and surgical techniques.)

What makes this particular procedure so risky and why they are reaching out to Tiger Woods remains unclear.

“In this business you need nerves of steel and a steady hand,” said Arnold Tannenbaum, a licensed mohel. “Tiger’s ability to perform under pressure has been remarkable. But try waving a knife over a bawling infant’s penis which doesn’t hold still for a second…then talk to me about pressure.” (more…)


Doppelgänger: TV Host and Masters Champ

Monday, April 11th, 2016

Scary Stuff. TV Host and Actor, Joel McHale (Top) and newly jacketed Masters champion, Danny Willett bearing a striking resemblance.

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THE MASTERS: Guy Who Always Yells “Get in the Hole” Is Placed in Large Hole

Monday, April 11th, 2016
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It’s In the Hole! And there he’ll stay.

AUGUSTA, GA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Springtime in Georgia means The Masters.  And the first leg of the grand slam always seems to feature all the spectacular drama one would expect with exciting headlines like “Danny Seems to Willett.” Then there’s the story of Larry Barker.

Barker, perhaps the most annoying fan the sport has known, was again unable to control is bombastic “get in the hole” chants, especially with Smith hitting off the tee.

After repeated pleas to stop, angered Augusta National officials had no choice but to place the 41 year old unemployed lumberjack in a deep hole. (more…)


A TSD Classique: Stevie Williams Thrashes Mickelson Fan with Sand Wedge; Apologizes for “Ill-Advised” Club Selection

Thursday, August 13th, 2015

 

 

 

 

Violent outburst last straw as Tiger announces breakup

NEW ZEALAND (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service)“I want to express my deepest gratitude to Stevie for all his help, but I think it’s time for a change,” Woods announced on TigerWoods.com. “Stevie is an outstanding caddie and a friend and has been instrumental in many of my accomplishments. I wish him great success in the future.”

Since the announcement, the golf world was buzzing as to the cause of the breakup. It’s now come out that Williams embarrassed the embattled golfer by using a sand wedge to pummel a vacationing Phoenix native he mistook for a Phil Mickelson fan — apparently not the first violent outburst from Tiger’s long-time caddie — during a charity event in the caddie’s native New Zealand.

 

The incident has a well known back story as one of the least well-guarded secrets on the PGA tour is the up and down relationship between Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson. Ironically, it was the relationship between Tiger and Stevie Williams that took the hit when Williams made his feelings toward the world’s number five golfer known during the weekend event. (more…)


A TSD Classique: Tiger Woods Offered $10 Million to Perform High-Risk Circumcision

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2015

 

GREENWICH, CT (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — An unidentified Greenwich couple have circumvented standard channels to seek help in performing what is being described as an unusually delicate circumcision. The couple’s attorney reached out to golf superstar Tiger Woods, who is neither Jewish nor a licensed mohel in the state of Florida, his primary residence, to perform the ritual removal of their infant son’s foreskin. (A mohel is an observant Jew who has been trained in the relevant Jewish law and surgical techniques.)

“In this business you need nerves of steel and a steady hand,” said Arnold Tannenbaum, a licensed mohel. “Tiger’s long demonstrated ability to perform under pressure is remarkable. But try waving a knife over a bawling infant’s penis which doesn’t hold still for a second…then talk to me about pressure.”

Asked to define a “high risk” circumcision and if he’d ever been called to handle such a delicate procedure, Tannenbaum was initially dismissive: “Ask any parent whose kid is about to get his foreskin forcibly removed, and they’ll tell you little Timmy’s circumcision is a highly risky proposition.” Pressed further, he conceded that over the years he’d encountered “certain irregularities” that required special attention and skill. (more…)


Dozens Misinterpret Double Meaning in Taylor Made Promotion, Leading to Catastrophic Beatings at Golf Courses Nationwide

Friday, April 17th, 2015

 

 

 

FARMINGDALE, NY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — “Get the clubs the pros are using on us,” screams the ad from Taylor Made, a California-based manufacturer of golf clubs. Yesterday, the national promotional campaign took a horrible turn when its meaning was catastrophically misinterpreted by scores of literal-minded golfers eager to give the clubs a try. Brandishing an assortment of irons and fairway metals from Taylor Made’s new RocketBallz line, golfers proceeded to “use” them on unsuspecting Taylor Made sales reps staging demos at golf courses around the country. Beatings were reported at some of the nation’s best known courses, including Heron Bay in South Florida, Bethpage on Long Island, and the Wynn Golf Club in Las Vegas.

“Thanks to our patented SuperFast Technology, which reduces total club weight while promoting faster swing speed for added distance, none of the injuries were life-threatening, “said company spokesman Joshua Blank. “I shudder to think what would have happened if patrons opted for Callaway or Nike or Tommy Armour clubs – their added clubhead weight would have caused untold carnage.” (more…)


After Missing British Open Cut, Tiger Woods Loses to Little Billy Jensen at Windmill Hole

Monday, July 21st, 2014

 

 

Run of the Mill. Tiger fell apart at the infamous windmill.

 

SAVANNAH, GA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) On the heels of not making the cut at the British Open, a long struggling Tiger Woods was hoping to lift his spirits with a game of miniature golf at Silly Shotz Miniature Golf Course.

His opponent was nine year old Billy Jensen of nearby Eulonia.

Woods stayed even with Jensen through seven holes, then took the lead by getting a hole in one through the clown’s mouth prompting his patented fist pump which thrilled the gathering gallery who cheered the fallen golf star’s every move. But once again it all proved to be temporary as the troubles that have hounded Woods’ game for years reared their ugly head at the baby hippo. An errant shot glanced off the hippo’s hind quarters an onto an adjacent hole disrupting Missy Butler’s birthday party.  The seven year old Butler began crying which delayed the match for nearly twenty minutes. (more…)


Country Club Champ Comfortable Enough with Own Sexuality to Hit from Ladies’ Tee

Thursday, June 5th, 2014

 

Twilight of His Career. Wally Nafus from the rough.

EXETER, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Wally Nafus, the long drive king at Fox Hill Country Club in Exeter, Pennsylvania, is a nine time club champ dating back to 1973. He won his last title in 1987, but now at age 62, Nafus is forced to hit from the ladies’ tee.

“I’m three shoulder surgeries, two wrist surgeries and one knee replacement into this little movie they call life,” the barrel-chested 6’4’’ linkster quipped. “When I couldn’t hit the ball over Sissy Ridge (a landmark on the course) and the other guys in my foursome began laughing at me, I thought about giving the game up.”

Nafus didn’t give the game up. (more…)


Country Club Champ Comfortable Enough with Own Sexuality to Hit from Ladies’ Tee

Tuesday, December 17th, 2013

Twilight of His Career. Wally Nafus from the rough.

EXETER, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Wally Nafus, the long drive king at Fox Hill Country Club in Exeter, Pennsylvania, is a nine time club champ dating back to 1973. He won his last title in 1987, but now at age 62, Nafus is forced to hit from the ladies’ tee.

“I’m three shoulder surgeries, two wrist surgeries and one knee replacement into this little movie they call life,” the barrel-chested 6’4’’ linkster quipped. “When I couldn’t hit the ball over Sissy Ridge (a landmark on the course) and the other guys in my foursome began laughing at me, I thought about giving the game up.”

Nafus didn’t give the game up. (more…)


Sergio Garcia to Insult Dozens of International Golfers by Serving Them Cultural Cuisine

Thursday, May 23rd, 2013
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How’s Yer Foot Taste? Sergio Garcia plans to make amends.

LONDON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) On the heels of his insensitive remark about serving fried chicken to Tiger Woods, fellow PGA pro, Sergio Garcia not only apologized to the world’s number one golfer, but wanted to show good faith.

“I’m really sorry if I offended Tiger.” Garcia said. “And to show I mean business, I plan on equally offending other golfers. I’m kicking things off by making Surströmming for Henrik Stenson, Boxty for Rory McIlroy and Bangers and Mash for Justin Rose.”

Stenson was not amused.  (more…)


Country Club Champ Comfortable Enough with Own Sexuality to Hit from Ladies’ Tee

Tuesday, January 29th, 2013

Twilight of His Career. Wally Nafus from the rough.

EXETER, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Wally Nafus, the long drive king at Fox Hill Country Club in Exeter, Pennsylvania, is a nine time club champ dating back to 1973. He won his last title in 1987, but now at age 62, Nafus is forced to hit from the ladies’ tee.

“I’m three shoulder surgeries, two wrist surgeries and one knee replacement into this little movie they call life,” the barrel-chested 6’4’’ linkster quipped. “When I couldn’t hit the ball over Sissy Ridge (a landmark on the course) and the other guys in my foursome began laughing at me, I thought about giving the game up.”

Nafus didn’t give the game up. (more…)