How’s Yer Foot Taste? Sergio Garcia plans to make amends.

LONDON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) On the heels of his insensitive remark about serving fried chicken to Tiger Woods, fellow PGA pro, Sergio Garcia not only apologized to the world’s number one golfer, but wanted to show good faith.

“I’m really sorry if I offended Tiger.” Garcia said. “And to show I mean business, I plan on equally offending other golfers. I’m kicking things off by making Surströmming for Henrik Stenson, Boxty for Rory McIlroy and Bangers and Mash for Justin Rose.”

Stenson was not amused.  (more…)

Hole-y Shit! “Get in the hole” guy Larry Barker gets to live by his words. In a manner of speaking.

AUGUSTA, GA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Springtime in Georgia means The Masters.  And the first leg of the grand slam always seems to feature all the spectacular drama one would expect with exciting headlines like Adam Scott being the first Australian champion. Then there’s the story of Larry Barker.

Barker, perhaps the most annoying fan the sport has known, was again unable to control is bombastic “get in the hole” chants, especially with Tiger Woods hitting off the tee.

After repeated pleas to stop, angered Augusta National officials had no choice but to place the 41 year old unemployed lumberjack in a deep hole. (more…)

Caddyshack Star Terrorizes Golfers with Harrowing Cry of “Well…we’re waiting!”

Nice hat. Ted Knight died in 1986, but apparently no one’s had the heart to tell him.

DAVIE, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Grande Oaks Golf Club, formerly Rolling Hills Golf Club, where the motion picture Caddyshack was shot in the fall of 1979, is one of many South Florida golf courses where reports of disturbing encounters with the long dead character actor, Ted Knight continue to surface.

But lately the paranormal events have become more frequent and unsettling. (more…)

Twilight of His Career. Wally Nafus from the rough.

EXETER, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Wally Nafus, the long drive king at Fox Hill Country Club in Exeter, Pennsylvania, is a nine time club champ dating back to 1973. He won his last title in 1987, but now at age 62, Nafus is forced to hit from the ladies’ tee.

“I’m three shoulder surgeries, two wrist surgeries and one knee replacement into this little movie they call life,” the barrel-chested 6’4’’ linkster quipped. “When I couldn’t hit the ball over Sissy Ridge (a landmark on the course) and the other guys in my foursome began laughing at me, I thought about giving the game up.”

Nafus didn’t give the game up. (more…)

Run of the Mill. Tiger fell apart at the infamous windmill.

SAVANNAH, GA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Still struggling to regain his number one status, Tiger Woods was hoping to lift his spirits with a game of miniature golf at Silly Shotz Miniature Golf Course.

His opponent was nine year old Billy Jensen of nearby Eulonia.

Woods stayed even with Jensen through seven holes, then took the lead by getting a hole in one through the clown’s mouth prompting his patented fist pump which thrilled the gathering gallery who cheered the fallen golf star’s every move. But once again it all proved to be temporary as the troubles that have hounded Woods’ game for months reared their ugly head at the baby hippo. An errant shot glanced off the hippo’s hind quarters an onto an adjacent hole disrupting Missy Butler’s birthday party.  The seven year old Butler began crying which delayed the match for nearly twenty minutes. (more…)

Putts! Is Chick-fil-A the next rallying point?

LOUISVILLE, KY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) With shoulders back and chests out, a small but enthusiastic group of Tea Party members assembled in front of a Louisville Kentucky Fried Chicken location and heartily supported the fast food chain’s support for same sex golf.

“We believe men should be playing golf with other men.” said Roger W. Collins, Assistant Promotions Director for KFC speaking with local TV personality Avery Blake. “And conversely, women can play together on Ladies Day, generally held on Tuesday afternoons after 4:00 at most courses.”

Several supporters of the announcement nibbled on Extra Crispy® deep fried chicken while leaning on their three irons outside KFC.  (more…)

Twilight of His Career. Wally Nafus from the rough.

EXETER, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Wally Nafus, the long drive king at Fox Hill Country Club in Exeter, Pennsylvania, is a nine time club champ dating back to 1973. He won his last title in 1987, but now at age 62, Nafus is forced to hit from the ladies’ tee.

“I’m three shoulder surgeries, two wrist surgeries and one knee replacement into this little movie they call life,” the barrel-chested 6’4’’ linkster quipped. “When I couldn’t hit the ball over Sissy Ridge (a landmark on the course) and the other guys in my foursome began laughing at me, I thought about giving the game up.”

Nafus didn’t give the game up. (more…)

Gulp.

GREENWICH, CT (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — While sponsors have been slow to come around since his widely reported indiscretions, Tiger Woods’ victory in this past weekend’s Arnold Palmer invitational, has attracted several highly unusual requests.  None more so  than one made by an unidentified Greenwich couple who have offered to pay the golf superstar a large sum of money to perform a “high risk” circumcision. The couple’s attorney reached out to Tiger Woods, who is neither Jewish nor a licensed mohel in the state of Florida, his primary residence, to perform the ritual removal of their infant son’s foreskin. (A mohel is an observant Jew who has been trained in the relevant Jewish law and surgical techniques.)

What makes this particular procedure so risky and why they are reaching out to Tiger Woods remains unclear.

“In this business you need nerves of steel and a steady hand,” said Arnold Tannenbaum, a licensed mohel. “Tiger’s ability to perform under pressure has been remarkable. But try waving a knife over a bawling infant’s penis which doesn’t hold still for a second…then talk to me about pressure.” (more…)

Witchy Woman. Tiger's ex, Elin Nordegren prepares to unleash the nasty.

ORLANDO (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) A winless drought of over two years evaporated over the weekend as Tiger Woods captured the Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill. The jubilant Woods high-fived caddie Joe LaCava as a variety of emotions overtook him. In an undisclosed location, his ex-wife, former super model Elin Nordegren had some emotions of her own as the jilted hottie is now forced to concoct a new curse to prevent Woods from ever winning again.

“That fucker may be smiling now, but I’ve got something up my sleeve for the Masters.” Nordegren seethed.

Nordegren made no secret of aligning with witches and voodoo doctors to overturn the juggernaut that was Woods’ runaway freight train of golf dominance. The Lomidian Curse, which she invoked shortly during the couple’s very public breakup after Woods’ extra martial affairs were made public, hounded the world’s top golfer for thirty months. (more…)

Taylor Made driver used to tee off on company reps.

FARMINGDALE, NY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — “Get the clubs the pros are using on us,” screams the ad from Taylor Made, a California-based manufacturer of golf clubs. Yesterday, the national promotional campaign took a horrible turn when its meaning was catastrophically misinterpreted by scores of literal-minded golfers eager to give the clubs a try. Brandishing an assortment of irons and fairway metals from Taylor Made’s new RocketBallz line, golfers proceeded to “use” them on unsuspecting Taylor Made sales reps staging demos at golf courses around the country. Beatings were reported at some of the nation’s best known courses, including Heron Bay in South Florida, Bethpage on Long Island, and the Wynn Golf Club in Las Vegas.

“Thanks to our patented SuperFast Technology, which reduces total club weight while promoting faster swing speed for added distance, none of the injuries were life-threatening, “said company spokesman Joshua Blank. “I shudder to think what would have happened if patrons opted for Callaway or Nike or Tommy Armour clubs – their added clubhead weight would have caused untold carnage.” (more…)

Twilight of His Career. Wally Nafus from the rough.

EXETER, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Wally Nafus, the long drive king at Fox Hill Country Club in Exeter, Pennsylvania, is a nine time club champ dating back to 1973. He won his last title in 1987, but now at age 62, Nafus is forced to hit from the ladies’ tee.

“I’m three shoulder surgeries, two wrist surgeries and one knee replacement into this little movie they call life,” the barrel-chested 6’4’’ linkster quipped. “When I couldn’t hit the ball over Sissy Ridge (a landmark on the course) and the other guys in my foursome began laughing at me, I thought about giving the game up.”

Nafus didn’t give the game up. (more…)

Happier Times: Tiger playfully defends as Williams demonstrates bitch-slapping he was always promising to give Mickelson when their paths crossed.

Violent outburst last straw as Tiger announces breakup

NEW ZEALAND (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) “I want to express my deepest gratitude to Stevie for all his help, but I think it’s time for a change,” Woods announced on TigerWoods.com. “Stevie is an outstanding caddie and a friend and has been instrumental in many of my accomplishments. I wish him great success in the future.”

Since the announcement, the golf world was buzzing as to the cause of the breakup. It’s now come out that Williams embarrassed the embattled golfer by using a sand wedge to pummel a vacationing Phoenix native he mistook for a Phil Mickelson fan — apparently not the first violent outburst from Tiger’s long-time caddie — during a charity event in the caddie’s native New Zealand.

The incident has a well known back story as one of the least well-guarded secrets on the PGA tour is the up and down relationship between Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson. Ironically, it was the relationship between Tiger and Stevie Williams that took the hit when Williams made his feelings toward the world’s number five golfer known during the weekend event. (more…)