Lifelong Knicks Fan Falls Helplessly in Love with Celtics
BOCA RATON, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) As the Celtics mounted a furious come-from behind fourth quarter rally to stun the Orlando Magic 92-88 and go up 3-2 in their Eastern Conference semi-final, 47 year old Knicks fan Ira Berday found himself chewing on a bath towel and weeping uncontrollably. It was then that the New Jersey native now living in Boca Raton, Florida realized he’d fallen hard.
How a staunch Knicks fan who grew up with posters of Willis Reed and Walt “Clyde” Frazier on his bedroom walls, who lived and died with the Knicks of Bernard King, John Starks, Patrick Ewing – even Stephon Marbury for goodness sakes – could find himself starry-eyed over a team he once loathed is a mystery – particularly to Mr. Berday.
“Bro, last year I found myself pulling for the Celtics, mostly because of KG – and I always liked Paul Pierce from a distance,” said Berday. “It was more of a Platonic thing, you know? But something happened mid-way through the Bulls series. I’d wake up in the middle of the night with visions of Rondo in balletic slo-mo…during meetings I’m drifting off, flicking imaginary quick-release J’s ala Ray Allen. I knew I had it bad when I started daydreaming about kicking it on the beach with KG, sipping pina coladas and rubbing tanning lotion on his creamy smooth, coal-black shoulders.”
Berday fell silent, contemplating his dilemma. “It’s all new and exciting and it happened so fast. It’s tough, I’m torn. And there’s the gnawing sense of guilt. It’s something I’ll need to work out.”
Berday’s friend Seth Green, himself a transplanted New Yorker living in Coral Springs, Florida, was stunned to find the one-time Knicks diehard head over heels for the once much-hated Celtics.
“When he moved to Florida four years ago, I noticed he took an interest in the Heat, though it was clear the Knicks were his first love,” said Green. “But something changed. When exactly I can’t say. He was over for Game 2 against the Magic. He just wasn’t himself. Usually he’s grabbing the nachos, wings and Tums with both hands…but he just sat there, gooey eyed, barely touching his food. I’m thinking of all the teams to fall for you fall for the Bird, McHale, Greg fucking Kite Boston Celtics? Are you kidding me? Dude’s got it bad.”
Knicks President Donnie Walsh is not taking it well. “I’m not going to lie — it hurts. You’re together for over thirty years, you’ve stuck it out though good times and bad…and suddenly he leaves you for not just another team, but a division rival. The question is: when it’s over and he’s called it quits, do we take him back? I can’t answer that right now, I’m too emotional.”
Lori Berday, Ira’s long-suffering wife, wishes her husband well on his new romance, which she’s sure will end badly. “I give it maybe another round before he comes to his senses. But he may have to get used to sleeping on the couch outside of Donnie Walsh’s office for a good long while before the Knicks even consider taking him back.”