Bud Selig Reverses Lifetime Ban on Shoeless Joe Jackson; Says He’s Welcome to Play Anytime
NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Eight Men Out. Baseball fans know it as the name of the motion picture which chronicled the eight members of the 1919 Chicago White Sox who were banned permanently from baseball. The most famous among the group was undoubtedly Shoeless Joe Jackson, who wound up being the centerpiece of another great baseball film, Field of Dreams.
Now MLB Commissioner Bud Selig has reversed the lifetime ban on Jackson and said he’d welcome the hard hitting outfielder back with open arms.
“No hard feelings,” said Selig. “I hope Joe can find it in his heart to forgive us. I carefully weighed the evidence, and saw no indication he threw any game at any point. Sure, he might have picked up an extra three or four grand from a couple of unfriendlies, but I’m willing to look the other way.”
Jackson, who left baseball with a .356 batting average, the third highest batting in Major League history, (only Rogers Hornsby and Ty Cobb ranked ahead of him) died in 1951 of a heart attack, and is apparently in no condition to offer forgiveness, let alone play again.
“What are you saying? He’s dead?” a stunned Selig said. “Shit, and I just sifted through mountains of evidence so he could come back. Throw me a bone people. I don’t know everything. I’m not fucking Kreskin over here.”
But Selig’s former associate Casper Armstrong feels Jackson may still have what it takes.
“He’s remarkably well-preserved,” said Armstrong. “And there’s certainly not a question about steroids. I think with the watered-down pitching and hitter-friendly parks out there, he could be a solid .290 spray hitter with occasional gap power; which is especially appealing during the stretch drive.”
But with his remains being approximately 121 years old, just slightly older than current Philadelphia Phillies left hander Jamie Moyer, it is doubtful the sweet-swinging hitter could endure a full 162 game schedule.