Ron Jeremy Look-alike Stan Van Gundy Has Porn Star Address Team
Magic Coach Stan Van Gundy says the Lakers have no answers for his team's length, width and ability to nail the clutch three-point money shot.
LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Unfairly or not, excitable Orlando Magic coach Stan Van Gundy has been called panic-prone, particularly in tense, late-game situations. Few, however, question Van Gundy’s preparation, as evidenced when he took the unusual extra step of bringing in famed porn star Ron Jeremy to address the team before Wednesday’s practice. Many have pointed to the striking resemblance between the two, and Van Gundy thought an informal Q&A with the popular adult film star would loosen the team up as they anxiously await Thursday’s opening game against the Los Angeles Lakers.
“The fellas were in the locker room, when Stan – or so they thought – walks in, wearing a velour track suit,” said Magic strength and conditioning coach Joe Rogowski. “No one really takes notice until he walks up to Jameer (Nelson) and slaps the ball out of his hands with this enormous dick. We’re all like, whoa, where’d that come from?”
Choked with laughter, Van Gundy staggered in and introduced Jeremy to the team.
“Last night we were looking at some film, and noticed some tendencies,” said Van Gundy . “This man over here,” Van Gundy continued, putting his arm around the man known affectionately as The Hedgehog, “is a rare combination of length and power with a surprisingly effective perimeter game. Gentlemen, please join me in welcoming Mr. Ron Jeremy.”
A polished motivational speaker, Jeremy proceeded to regale the team with tales of on-set adversity and his legendary ability to overcome frigid sets, uncooperative co-stars, and the occasional “off-day,” and engineer what he humorously referred to as “multiple come from behind victories.”
“Very impressive guy, we all came away pumped,” said Magic point forward Hedo Turkoglu. “Now we just have to take his message out onto the floor – and realize that if we stay hard for four quarters of every game, we’ll be the next NBA champs.”
Tags: Los Angeles Lakers, Orlando Magic