Phil Jackson Prepares to Coach 2009-2010 Season from Home Office

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Phil Jackson is getting set to join the legions of working men and women across the country who get up every morning, slip into their bathrobe and slippers, throw some cold water on their face, brew a pot of coffee and take the brief commute to their home office. Citing health concerns, Jackson plans to let assistant coach Kurt Rambis man the sidelines for road games , while Jackson oversees the action from either his home office or via a wi-fi connection at his neighborhood StarBucks.
“The technology’s there, we’ve got a veteran ball club, I think it can work,” said Jackson, via his newly installed webcam. “We had a couple of IT guys in to lay down the network and hook me up with a super-fast connection. I’ll get video streams from the sidelines and I’ve got a guy coming in tomorrow to show me how to diagram plays remotely using this cool new whiteboard technology. The guys don’t need me to be there to hold their hands – and frankly there are stretches during games when there are about a million more productive things I can be doing with my time. Now, instead of sitting there like an idiot, I can hit the proverbial pause button, walk to the refrig, catch up on some reading, or just stare off into space.  By the time the fourth quarter rolls around I’m fresh, alert and engaged. Wish I thought of this sooner.”
Kevin Jackson, a 35 year old network engineer and rabid Lakers’ fan, thinks Jackson’s use of technology can actually improve communications with his team and produce even better results.
“Definitely. After a while players tune you out, even if you are Phil Jackson. You need to find new ways to communicate. And each guy responds differently. After a while Phil will find out which guys like to text, which guys prefer to get their daily motivational koan via email, or which guys need to reamed out via a video chat session.  Once he gets the hang of the technology he’ll be great. Hell, hook him up with an iPhone, plunk him down in a Starbucks and we’re looking at a 70 win season and an 11th ring. Take it to the bank.”
Several veteran coaches found the idea of Jackson’s work-at-home plans intriguing. Pat Riley, who notoriously used fax technology to submit his resignation from the Knicks, considered it “worth looking into.”  New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick, a legendary technophile, could barely restrain his jealousy.
“You mean he gets to sit at home and have no human interaction with his players? And I can get surveillance streams directly to my desktop?  Really? Where do I sign?”

Phil Jackson trades the sideline for the shoreline as he sports new look for upcoming 2009-2010 season.

Phil Jackson trades the sideline for the shoreline as he sports new look for upcoming 2009-2010 season.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Phil Jackson is getting set to join the legions of working men and women across the country who get up every morning, slip into their bathrobe and slippers, throw some cold water on their face, brew a pot of coffee and take the brief commute to their home office. Citing health concerns, Jackson plans to let assistant coach Kurt Rambis man the sidelines for road games , while Jackson oversees the action from either his home office or via a wi-fi connection at his neighborhood StarBucks.

“The technology’s there, we’ve got a veteran ball club, I think it can work,” said Jackson, via his newly installed webcam. “We had a couple of IT guys in to lay down the network and hook me up with a super-fast connection. I’ll get video streams from the sidelines and I’ve got a guy coming in tomorrow to show me how to diagram plays remotely using this cool new whiteboard technology. The guys don’t need me to be there to hold their hands – and frankly there are stretches during games when there are about a million more productive things I can be doing with my time. Now, instead of sitting there like an idiot, I can hit the proverbial pause button, walk to the refrig, catch up on some reading, or just stare off into space.  By the time the fourth quarter rolls around I’m fresh, alert and engaged. Wish I thought of this sooner.”

Kevin Jackson, a 35 year old network engineer and rabid Lakers’ fan, thinks Jackson’s use of technology can actually improve communications with his team and produce even better results.

“Definitely. After a while players tune you out, even if you are Phil Jackson. You need to find new ways to communicate. And each guy responds differently. After a while Phil will find out which guys like to text, which guys prefer to get their daily motivational koan via email, or which guys need to reamed out via a video chat session.  Once he gets the hang of the technology he’ll be great. Hell, hook him up with an iPhone, plunk him down in a Starbucks and we’re looking at a 70 win season and an 11th ring. Take it to the bank.”

Several veteran coaches found the idea of Jackson’s work-at-home plans intriguing. Pat Riley, who notoriously used fax technology to submit his resignation from the Knicks, considered it “worth looking into.”  New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick, a legendary technophile, could barely restrain his jealousy.

“You mean he gets to sit at home and have no human interaction with his players? And I can get surveillance streams directly to my desktop?  Really? Where do I sign?”

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One Response to “Phil Jackson Prepares to Coach 2009-2010 Season from Home Office”

  1. Lloyd Christmas Says:

    HIGH-larious!