Watson One Thrust Away From Bringing Wife to First Orgasm in Decades, Fails in Final Seconds
TURNBERRY, SCOTLAND (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) On the heels of his epic ride to golf history in the 2009 British Open, Tom Watson felt the sting of failure for a second time.
After missing a par putt in regulation to win the trophy at age 59, and opening the door for a four hole playoff against eventual winner Stewart Cink, Watson still felt he could at the very least, turn his luck around in the bedroom.
“It was there for the taking,” said Watson. “I was really on my game. I was on a torrid pace with some spectacular and crafty lovemaking amid windy and rather chilly conditions. I wish you could have all been there. I was eloquent and witty. I gave her all my best moves. She even begged me to stop so she could give me a lengthy standing ovation.”
Watson admitted he was unable to bring wife Hilary to climax, finishing one thrust away before depositing his man seed into a nearby Kleenex®.
“Unfortunately, in the end, it was not to be,” Watson said, delivering one of the greatest unintentional double entendres of all time. “Apparently I gave my all too soon and missed the golden ring twice in one day. I’m not sure I’ll get a second chance. These things don’t happen every day when you’re fifty-nine. But dammit, I’ll be back out there again next year – and I might even play some golf too.”