“Surprise Me” — Iverson Puts Signing Decision Entirely in Hands of Reps

Allen Iverson completely outsources his signing decision -- a process he's also applied to his last eight tatoos.

Allen Iverson completely outsources his signing decision -- a process he's also applied to his last eight tatoos.

DETROIT, MI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The unsigned Allen Iverson prefers to keep his day-to-day decision making to a bare minimum. Beyond when to wake up, when to eat breakfast, what to wear, which of the six bathrooms in his home to relieve himself in, Iverson leaves “the big decisions” to his team of advisors – from where to hide the shoe box that contains most of his disposable income to which team he signs with.According to a post on Iverson’s Twitter account on Tuesday, Miami, New York and Charlotte are teams he’s interested in signing with, yet he has not ruled out other potential destinations.

“My people just informed me that we are getting close to a deal. I asked them to call me when its done. I am so ready to know!”

A former advisor who asked that his name be with held, confirms that AI is a “decision-free zone,” unaccustomed – indeed ill-prepared – to handling any but the most basic decisions once he steps off the court.

“Like a lot of superstar athletes, AI hasn’t made an important independent decision since the third grade,” said the former advisor. “After a while, the portion of the brain responsible for decisions withers from lack of use. At this point in his life, I’d put his decision-making skills somewhere between a developmentally-challenged three year old and a houseplant.”
Iverson followed up his tweet on Tuesday with several others, all showing just how far he’s divorced himself from the signing process and how utterly indifferent he is to where he’ll wind up once his reps strike a deal. Iverson actually sticks a highly difficult verbal landing, tricky for even the most self-absorbed superstar: combining the third person with the passive voice:  “AI will not be just going away-  his peeps are getting him ready for the NBA season. Calls will be made, a deal will be signed. Will AI land  in Charlotte, Miami, or NY? How the fuck would AI know?”

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