God Says He Was Messing with Allen Iverson; Calls Memphis a Basketball Shithole
MEMPHIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Perennial NBA All-Star Allen Iverson announced via Twitter that God told him he should the next chapter of his basketball life will be in Memphis.
“God chose Memphis,” his tweet said to thousands of AI fans.
But late yesterday afternoon God had an announcement of his own via Twitter. “I was messin’ with Allen. Memphis is to basketball what Mississippi is to pizza. You’ll pardon my French, but Memphis is a basketball shithole. How could he think I was serious? Look folks, it gets a little boring up here. I need to mix things up a little and keep the laughs coming. And right now we’ve got about ten billion souls up here laughing our asses off.”
God’s message exceeded Twitter’s alloted 140 characters, but somehow he was able to bypass the technical restriction.
“I’m God,” He said. “Membership has it’s privileges.”
NBA Commissioner David Stern doubts God actually spoke to Iverson or was the entity who Twittered.
“I not so sure about this,” Stern said. “I’d like to believe in God, and there have been times in my life when I have, but lately, I’m not so sure. It’s the silence thing that kills me. I wish He’d give me one legitimate sign – anything – like my wife actually initiating sex – anything.”
Upon learning of God’s little prank, Iverson was frantically tweeting into the night.
@god: what up wit dat bro? you mean telling me to carry a firearm into a bowling alley wasn’t for real? dawg, you’re killin’ me.
@god: this tattoo on my neck is gonna be a real bitch to get off when I’m sixty and realize it was just you crackin’ wise again.
@god: what do you mean your were actually gonna make me 6’10’’?
The Sportsman’s Daily’s calls to a higher power of any kind went unreturned. However Pat Robertson said he’d be happy to do lunch.