With Phillies Loss in World Series, Philadelphia Fans Turn Sights to Rocky VII

Yo Philly! Stallone lays it on the line with a devastated city.

Yo Philly! Stallone lays it on the line with a devastated city.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The defending champion Philadelphia Phillies couldn’t not stave off elimination for a second time in Game Six of the 2009 World Series as the New York Yankees captured their twenty-seventh World Championship.

The clutch hitting of series MVP Hideki Matsui propelled the Yanks to a 7-3 victory and celebration in the Bronx.

Conversely, the mood on the streets of the City of Brotherly Love was somber.

But then forty-seven year old Carmine Venuto, milling about the front yard of his Byberry Road home started chanting “Rocky Seven!! Rocky Seven!!”  Even though the proposed seventh installment of the Rocky franchise hasn’t even been scripted or green-lighted, the chant grew legs and neighbors took to the streets at midnight to join in. Once camera crews arrived to spread the word, pockets of Rocky VII chants sprung up throughout the Delaware Valley.

“Rocky is one of this city’s most enduring and endearing figures even though he’s fictional,” said Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter. “Of course we’re not going to let a little technicality like that spoil our hopes and dreams. This city and everyone in it has the capacity to rise up and dust themselves off to fight again. Look at me? I’m wearing my Phillies cap this morning. Granted, it’s drenched in my own tears.”

At 7:15 this morning, Sylvester Stallone was summoned by Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell to quell the madness that enveloped the city. He grabbed a megaphone and addressed the crowd:

“People of Philadelphia, I share your pain. I appreciate the frustration you feel that the team that beat you was a corporate conglomerate comprised of spoiled, entitled, assholes who individually make more money than most teams. Of course, let’s not forget I was making twenty mill a picture at one time…but that’s not the point.  The point is…if you’ve got a winning formula, stick with it. Milk that formula dry. No, wait. Uh…what I meant to say is…Get up! Find that eye of the tiger and get stronger. Have a cheesesteak, but not too many ‘cuz it clogs your arteries. Good luck. Now, I’ve got fly back to LA – this jet lag’s a bitch.”

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