Tennis Fan Keith Richards Slams Agassi for Lying About Hairpiece

Tennis buff Keith Richards sleeps off tough straight set loss to Brian Jones.

Tennis buff Keith Richards sleeps off tough straight set loss to Brian Jones.

WESTPORT, CT (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) While it’s hard to imagine drug-addled rock legend Keith Richards chasing down cross-court forehands in tennis whites, he is a self-professed “tennis junkie,” and has for years been a fixture at the US Open as well as other ATP events.

While Andre Agassi’s admission that he used crystal methamphetamine during the 1990 season prompted withering rebukes from some of the game’s most widely recognized names, from Martina Navratilova to Marat Safin, Richards blasted Agassi for what he believes to be a far greater offense: lying about his Mohawk toupe.  

“I don’t care what anyone tells you, a Mohawk toupe – or toupe Mohawk – can have far greater impact on an athlete’s performance than crystal meth,” said Richard in an interview with Tennis Magazine. “A hit of crystal meth will make you play like Superman for maybe half a set, but then it sort of levels off. But a hairpiece, especially an elaborate one, can affect your play the entire match. Years ago we were playing before a huge crowd, it was toward the end of the tour and the hair extensions I was wearing were starting to come loose. I was scared to move. I just stood there like Wyman, looking like an idiot.”

Richards was quick to clarify that he’s not an advocate of recreational drug use, whether it’s a pro athlete or an accountant who spends his weekends playing handball.

“In my case drugs were more vocational than recreational – some of the best shit on Beggar’s Banquet to Some Girls was written on a strict regimen of blow and Jack. But it’s not for everyone. And I wouldn’t recommend it before a match. I once tried it and wound up beating Keith Moon in straight sets, though I wouldn’t suggest making a habit of it.”

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