Turkey Executed at Dawn Wins Camp David Football Pool
WASHINGTON, DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Just minutes after President Obama pardoned “Flyer,” the National Thanksgiving Turkey, the President condemned another Turkey, named “Baker,” to die. Baker, whose final wish was to spend his last day with the First Famiy, was executed at dawn in a solemn ceremony attended by the President and First Lady.
Given the name “Baker” by the President (because of his likeness to Former Secretary of State James Baker), the garrulous bird proved to be a prescient NFL picker and won the Camp David football pool going away. The President was highly impressed with the bird’s football savvy; however, as the afternoon wore on, the bird, obviously feeling full of himself, squawked and trash-talked non-stop. The President who, according to White House staffers has grown increasingly irritable after constant low-rent remarks by Southern Republicans, was not amused.
“While millions of Americans sit down to eat turkey, the President was happy to be talking talking turkey and watching football with an actual 18 pound butterball turkey,” said a high ranking member of the President’s staff. “Unfortunately, Baker got a bit out of hand. At one point, the President, understandably pissed, ordered the wait staff to clear the meat loaf — which he had the staff prepare at the last moment as a courtesy to his unexpected Thanksgiving guest. The President loudly demanded a round of hot open turkey sandwiches. The bird wasn’t happy, but it didn’t stop him from crowing about his picks.”
The popular pardon ceremony dates to the days of President Harry Truman in 1947. The condemnation, last wish and execution part was instituted in 1952 by President Dwight Eisenhower.
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