Santa and His Elves Unable to Deliver Real Team Under Washington Nationals’ Tree
Nationals' Treasure? Nope, not this year. And Santa is bummed about his epic fail.
WASHINGTON DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Perennial National League East cellar dwellers the Washington Nationals were hoping for something a little extra special under the tree this holiday season — namely a vastly improved ball club. But the great bringer of gifts himself, Santa Claus, was apparently unable to deliver. The jolly man in the red suit issued a statement through the North Pole News Agency at 12:15 AM, December 25th. The official statement read:
Dear Washington Nationals Ownership and Fans,
Though we have worked many extra hours in our workshop to fulfill your request, it is with great sadness I must inform you we were unable to assemble a team which will resemble a group of competitive Major League players. Lord knows we certainly tried. But with budget constraints, the economy, slim pickin’s in the free agent market, and my lead elf Maury’s heavy drinking problem and pending divorce, there was just no way. You may be pleased to hear that while we didn’t deliver what you’d asked for, we did score you some extra 2010 World Series tickets when either the Yankees, Phillies or Red Sox make the it to the Fall Classic. Merry Christmas.
Love,
Santa.
Nationals fan Herbie Wilcox, of Fall Church, Virginia wasn’t amused.
“Well, that’s fine ‘how do you do?’ aint’ it?” the 38 year old stock broker lamented. “If there was one guy we actually had some faith in it was Claus. But nooooo! He comes up short and we’re all gonna just have to sit here and take it and once again be reduced to the laughing stock of the National League because we’re mathematically eliminated by freekin’ spring training. Whoopee! Now pardon me while I plunge a rusty shrimp fork in to corroded artery”
On a brighter note, little Jimmy Harris of Silver Spring, Maryland was overjoyed when Santa delivered an X-Box 360 and a shiny new blue bicycle with gold trim, as well as a nineteen year old Russian gymnast for his father.
Tags: MLB, Washington Nationals