Sportsman’s Daily Staffer Adheres to His 31-17 Post Game Prediction; Walks Around Office All Cocksure of Himself
Old School Lassiter. Chet in the golden era circa 1972.
BOCA RATON, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Chet Lassiter, the longtime Sportsman’s Daily staffer, who over the years has consistently refused to reveal his Super Bowl prediction until after the game has been played, has done it again.
“Lassiter bounded into the office at 8:18 this morning,” said fellow veteran reporter Gregory Jansen. “Well, ‘bounded’ might be stretching it given his recent knee surgeries. But he walked in all cocksure of himself declaring he predicted the final outcome of the Super Bowl would be 31-17 in favor of the Saints. He does this all the time. It’s a sort of retro prediction, which by the way is becoming a rather popular trend in the office.”
Lassiter, a recovering alcoholic and methadone addict, then stood up on his desk, opened his fly and took an ambitious and sustained piss all over a photograph of Peyton Manning and declared Mardi Gras would start effective immediately. Jansen claimed he began receiving texts from Lassiter immediately after Super Bowl LXIV had ended. He added the messages didn’t stop until well into the early morning hours.
“What can you say?” added Jansen. “He’s got seniority here. If Joe Fanucci or one of the guys in the mailroom tried something like that, they’d be out on their ear. But Lassiter just seems to get away with everything. You don’t see me pulling that kind fo crap. I just find the man detestable – what with the loud sports jackets, the cigarette stained fingernails, the cheesecloth toupee and his annoying little trait of starting every sentence with the word ‘basically.’”
Lassiter, 71, signed a three year deal with The Sportsman’s Daily in September.
Tags: Colts, Saints, Super Bowl