Simulation Company Creates “Real-Life” Tweets of Dead Sports Heroes

Follow Ty Cobb on Twitter!

BOCA RATON, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) SimulCom, a video and voice simulation company based in Boca Raton, Florida, creates computer-generated simulations of encounters with world historical figures. Go to their website and chat it up with Isaac Newton, George Bernard Shaw, FDR, or Babe Ruth. Type in a question and 7 out of 10 times you’ll get a relevant answer.

The company has just announced that it has harnessed its technology to transmit “tweets” from long dead sports stars. Among the Twitter-ers are the aforementioned Babe, baseball’s Ty Cobb, football great Red Grange, heavyweight champ Jack Dempsey and basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain. Users choose which dead sports legend to follow, and through the day they receive tweets from what SimulCom’s founder and CEO Arthur Wolfson calls (via a tweet, naturally) “the playing flds of the grt beyond.”

“Who wouldn’t wnt to read tweets from the Babe or the Glloping Ghst,” tweeted Wolfson. “Tweets give fans a more intimate peek into what mkes their heroes tick,” Wolfson continued. “+, since they’re dead, there’s no holding bck — and no law suits.”

We followed Ty Cobbs’ tweets for 48 hours. As one would expect, he manages to pack a lifetime of unpleasantness into racially-motivated 140 character bursts.

“@Chamberlain: Who allowed the Big Lipper in here? Didn’t you read the sign?”

“@A-Rod: Hey, rice & beans, fetch me a burrito.”

“@Obama: Since when did they let the help sleep in the WH?”

While Wolfson apologized for Cobb’s racist tweets, he insisted they were consistent with his core attitudes, and to sanitize them would change his essential character.  ”Cobb was prbly a mistake — but truth is, none of these guys is a saint. If you dn’t believe me, check out the Babe’s tweets.”

Ruth’s tweets are a bottomless cesspool of whore-mongering, drinking, and flatulence jokes, while Wilt’s are, unsurprisingly, focused on an unending parade of sexual conquests. Red Grange spends most of his time tweeting on football, though his thoughts on long-forgotten formations, trick plays, personal recollections of the Harding, Coolidge and Hoover administrations, and what it feels like to get kicked in the head while wearing a leather helmet, do not exactly make for gripping beach reading.

“I oughta murderlize the bum who got me into this,” tweeted Jack Dempsey. “But WTF. Beats being Mike Tyson. LMAO.”

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