Dan Marino to Seek Long Awaited Championship Ring With Miami Heat
NFL Hall of Famer to Throw Half Court Passes
MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The “decision” came down at 9:27 PM Thursday night when LeBron James announced he’d be taking his act to South Beach and join Dywane Wade and Chris Bosh on the Miami Heat.
This prompted spontaneous proclamations in the palm tree lined streets of the city of a guaranteed championship. That’s when former Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino made some news of his own and announced he’d be joining the trio of doom on the Heat’s roster.
“I’ll be forty-nine when the season starts,” said the Hall of Famer. “The window is closing. I told Pat Riley if he wanted pinpoint accuracy on those long half court or even full court passes, I’d be your man.”
The Heat’s GM obviously took him seriously when he added Marino to the roster as the twelfth man for league minimum.
“It’s not about money. I have no rings,” added Marino holding up both hands in plain view. “I’d like one. I mean I can buy one off of eBay, but I’d kind of like to earn it. Admittedly, LeBron, Dywane and Chris will do most of the heavy lifting, but there are intangibles that I can bring to the locker room as well. For example, my choice of post game music in the locker room. I’m sure the guys dig Springsteen and Sinatra.”
Once the signing of Marino was confirmed, Dan Gilbert, owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers, issued an open letter to the fans of Cleveland which included a thinly veiled attack on the former Dolphins signal caller.
Dear Cleveland, All of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight,
As you now know, the former Hall of Famer Dan Marino has joined our former hero in Miami to get the championship ring that eluded him when he played football. So now he chooses to pull this two sport stunt at an advanced age – an age when he should be installing a stair lift chair in his house. This has made a mockery of the sport of basketball. It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.
I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER “MIAMARINO” WINS ONE”
The pissing match will continue well into the season with coverage and insufferable analysis to be provided by ESPN.