Phillies Accidentally Acquire Roy Harvey Oswald

Welcome to Philly. Former Astros employee, Roy Harvey Oswald to make his Phils' debut on the hill.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) In their push to reach the World Series for a third straight year, the Philadelphia Phillies have acquired Houston Astros employee, Roy Harvey Oswald.

Oswald, the grandson of the infamous Lee Harvey Oswald, has often been mistaken for the ace of the Houston Astros staff, Roy Oswalt. Though popular among low and mid level employees of the Astros, his employers claim he is a recluse, spending much of his downtime in Dallas near Dealey Plaza.

Even though it was evident early on there had been a major snafu with the trade, it didn’t seem to upset Phillies General Manager Ruben Amaro Jr. 

“I”m not too worried about it. What impresses me most is his pitch speed and pinpoint accuracy,” said Amaro. “Its as if he’s got a high powered rifle or something.”

What stunned many baseball insiders is how much the deal seemed to sway largely in Houston’s direction. Former Phillies and current Astros GM Ed Wade seemed more than happy to unload Oswald.

“The guy just gave me the creeps,” said Wade. “I can’t put my finger on it exactly. He was always stealing away in dark movie theaters, studying Russian, and hanging out on  target ranges. Its as if…he’s planning for something. Search me.”

Police did search Wade and found two legally registered pistols and a sizable stash of amateur porn.

Oswald is expected to make his debut Friday evening against the Nationals in Washington DC – a scenario dripping with irony.

Roy Oswalt is still a member of the Astros.

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