After Benches Clearing Brawl, Reds’ Joey Votto Mistaken For Made Man at Gambino Mixer

Votto's Grotto. Joey's new mob hangout or fan club?

CINCINNATI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Carlo Rizzi. Paul Vitti. Fictional mobsters from the movies.

Add Joey Votto to the list. Though Votto isn’t fictional, you couldn’t convince members of the Gambino Crime Family the Reds slugging first baseman wasn’t one of them.

“Nice Italian boy with a big fuckin’ bat,” said Caporegime, James “Jimmy Googatz” Micinelli. “You better believe he’s a made man. Anybody throws at this guy’s head ever, and I’ll break their fuckin’ legs!”

After Tuesday’s Reds 8-4 loss to the Central Division rival St. Louis Cardinals – a game which featured a benches clearing brawl – Votto was invited by Gambino soldiers Louie “Medium Lou” Fabrizio and Angelo “Nervous Twitch” Nervossa to a get together at Anthony’s Tavern, a reputed mob hangout. The Gambino clan is in town for the wedding of Michael “Little Mikey” Ferraro and Ann Marie “Sweet Snatch” Vaginello scheduled for this Saturday.

Votto spent nearly an hour attempting to convince several family members he is not involved in organized crime in any way, but they apparently weren’t buying it.

“They kept telling me I have the perfect name for an underboss or even a don,” a frustrated Votto said. “I explained to them I was just a ball player. I mean, sure, I enjoy a nice Veal Saltimbocca now and then with a side of endive with the olive oil and the garlic and a nice chicken cutlet appetizer for the table, but I ain’t made. Then they kept pinching my cheek, laughing and calling me a ‘fuckin’ beautiful kid’ and then Paulie “Fat Cock” DelBalso drops me off a block from my house.”

Not taking any chances, several Cardinals pitchers phoned in sick for Wednesday game.

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