“Mom Always Liked You Best!” says Eli Manning
INDIANAPOLIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) After suffering a 38-14 thumping at the hands of his older, more successful brother, Eli Manning went on a nearly forty five minute tirade about growing up in the Manning family.
“When I was a kid it was always ‘Peyton won the Pass, Punt and Kick,’” Eli seethed as an overflowing media contingent jockeyed for position. “‘Peyton won the Most Outstanding Players award,’ ‘Peyton is dating Trudy Hollister, the hottest cheerleader and best friggin’ blow job in Louisiana,’ ‘Peyton this, Peyton that. Peyton Peyton Peyton. Peyton! Peyton! Motherfucking Peyton!’”
The verbal rampage did not go unnoticed by mental health experts.
“Eli’s behavior is a textbook example of sibling rivalry,” said noted sports psychologist D. Kensington Menzies. “Although I’d like to add parenthetically that the textbook was straight out of the Texas School Book Depository.”
Peyton Manning reacted to his younger brother’s outburst.
“He was always walking around the house screaming ‘Mom always liked you best,’ said the elder Manning, referencing a famous Smothers Brothers quote. “Of course she did like me best, but she was really careful not to show it. He’s just lucky he’s not our youngest brother Fred. That poor bastard has two left feet and drives a fuckin’ forklift all damn day.”