Rush Limbaugh Doctor Shops After Contracting Acute Case of Pennant Fever
PALM BEACH, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Conservative talk show host, self appointed messiah of the Republican party, three time divorcee, and sports fan Rush Limbaugh could find himself in a heap of trouble again after doctor shopping in Palm Beach County for Zoxydian, an experimental drug believed to relieve the symptoms of a common but non life-threatening condition known as pennant fever.
Zoxydian has not been approved by the FDA. Limbaugh agreed to submit to taking small doses to combat what he calls “an uncontrollable urge to plop my fat ass in front of a sixty inch TV monitor for three hours a night and drink in the majesty of the September pennant drive.”
It became apparent to Limbaugh almost immediately that he was becoming addicted to Zoxydian, which has a mellowing affect and allows those with pennant fever to observe with relative calm.
“Oh, it’s calming alright,” said Limbaugh. “It takes the edge off. It lowers my excitement level. Its a lot like watching one of (Democratic Congressman) Charles Rangel’s speeches, which inherently isn’t addicting unless of course you’re craving sleep. This stuff let’s me walk away from the TV for a bit, turn off my cell phone, and get off the internet in an otherwise ceaseless quest for baseball updates. So, am I addicted? Yep.”
Limbaugh is believed to have visited nearly a dozen doctors to obtain the drug and faces charges of doctor shopping for the second time in his life after a similar incident in 2003.
“I’m a (Kansas City) Royals fan,” added the 59 year old broadcaster. “So you can imagine the towering mountain of dullness that scenario presents. I needed some thrills, so I followed the pennant chase, got addicted, and now I’m addicted to the cure. At least I’m a Republican with more money than five future generations of my family will ever spend. And in the end, that’s all that matters. Go Braves!”