New Superbowl Format: All Music

Too many fallen pop idols on the field! The NFL says musical acts will be subjected to the same rigorous refereeing as the players.

Twenty Minute Game to be Played at Halftime

NEW ORLEANS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — The NFL knows where its Super Bowl bread is buttered – the halftime show. For more than a decade, the burning question has been, ‘who’s the halftime entertainment going be?’

“The marketing arm of the NFL has decided to capitalize on the realization that in-game entertainment is much more interesting and lucrative than the actual game itself,” said commissioner Roger Goodell. “Who am I to argue?”

The controversial new plan completely reverses the current format. The city of New Orleans is preparing for the big event to be held February 3, 2013. Pop, Hip-Hop, Country, and Rock stars will take the field at 6:18 P.M. Eastern Time and jam for thirty minutes with three timeouts per act for dressing room meltdowns, wardrobe malfunctions, drive-by shootings, band infighting, and accidental overdoses. A twenty minute game will be played by yet to be determined opponents while the second group of musical acts warm up back stage and take the field immediately after the game’s completion.

“This is what people really want to see anyway,” said Nate Curry from NFL media relations. “A significant portion of our viewers are women – and as we all know women don’t know jack shit about football, so here you fuckin’ go. Enjoy your Katy Perry, and your Rihanna and your Lady Gaga, and your God damned Bruno Mars, and Usher featuring Pitbull, and Easton Corbin and the motherfuckin’ Neon Trees and whatever other spoiled teenage extacy popping, lip synching, talentless piece of shit crawls out of the woodwork. I hope you all choke on it.”

Clearly, not everyone is in favor of the new format.

As expected, the player’s union is challenging the plan. Most players feel the decision minimizes the importance of the game and has a direct effect on morale during the regular season. “Just look how my team is taking the news,” said coach Philadelphia Eagles coach Andy Reid. “You think they’re really this bad – dropped passes, missed assignments, throws into double coverage, special teams nightmares?? No, they’ve got their minds on what Mumford and Sons and Drake featruing T.I. and Swizz Beatz have up their collective sleeve. Football as we know it, is dead.”

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