Dr. J Forced to Perform Emergency Appendectomy

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Thanks Doc. Julius saves the day.

SANTA FE, NM (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Julius Erving, the high flying basketball legend who almost singlehandedly put the old ABA (American Basketball Association) on the sports landscape, and later led the Philadelphia 76ers to four NBA finals in the late 1970’s and early 1980’s, was certainly used to operating on the floor. However, the “Doctor” or “Dr. J” as he was called, had to do a different kind of operating yesterday.

Erving, who was in Santa Fe, New Mexico for an autograph show, signed hundreds of pictures, basketballs and apparel for adoring fans. About an hour into the event, 49 year old Horace Finster, who described himself as one of Erving’s biggest fans, suddenly collapsed to the floor grasping the right side of his abdomen writhing in pain.

Erving, who has no formal medical training, asked the gathering crowd to back up. “Don’t bother calling 911,” the NBA legend said. “I think I know what to do.”

Erving then produced what appeared to be a letter opener and began to cut into Finster. He then quelled the screaming Finster’s agony with multiple choruses of “Hush Little Baby.”

The crowd joined Erving on backing vocals: Hush, little baby, don’t say a word. Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird And if that mockingbird won’t sing, Mama’s gonna buy you a diamond ring.

“I was impressed with the Doctor’s dulcet tones,” said Ken Harris, a fan who was in attendance. “He has a certain Barry White quality to his voice. I mean fountains of blood were shooting everywhere and the screams were spine-chilling, yet he had the quiet resolve to just get ‘er done. He operated like he was going around Kareem (Abdul-Jabbar) in the 1980 Finals. It was really something to behold.”

Erving removed the appendix at 1:34 P.M. Erving then resumed his autograph signing as paramedics dressed the incision and transported Finster to a nearby hospital for observation.

He later explained to the crowd he always carries the lucky letter opener, which was given to him by former teammate, World B. Free.

“That’s right,” Erving added. “Free hooked me up with this little lovely back in the day and it’s really come in handy. It’s helped me fight off a wild boar in Tangiers, fillet a walleye in British Columbia and now perform a reasonably passable appendectomy in Sante Fe. Anyone need a tonsillectomy?”

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