Unflushed Large Turd in Toilet Closes Metrodome
MINNEAPOLIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The roof collapse on Sunday at the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome took a back seat to the real reason the sports facility was forced to close. An unusually large piece of fecal matter – more commonly known as a huge turd – confounded stadium officials who repeatedly attempted to flush it down the toilet.
“It just wouldn’t budge,” said Herb Glassman, a leading stadium sanitary expert. “We even activated the power flush mode – and nothing. This was one stubborn piece of shit. Clearly it was deposited there by an overweight, blue collar worker who enjoys ribs, cheese nachos and beer. I suspect its been in there since the Packers game on November 21st.”
The Vikings and Giants will play their scheduled game in Detroit in a rare Monday night double header.
HAZMAT workers have been brought in, but the difficulty seems to be the stench has penetrated the protective suits worn by the workers, rendering them ineffective and queasy.
“I threw up in my mouth a little,” said Tommy Russo, 34, Director of Clean Up Operations. “I’m also scarred for life, which is part of the job.”
“I have seen the devil!” screamed Assistant Feces Removal Agent, Adam Swenson. “To think that thing was once in a human being. I think we should just postpone the rest of the season.”