Blue Man Group Will Be Inserted as New Phillies Right Fielder
PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The performance art organization known as Blue Man Group will man right field for the Philadelphia Phillies for the upcoming 2011 season.
The position has been a point of contention ever since Jayson Werth opted for free agency enjoying a huge payday in Washington when he signed a seven year deal with the Nationals.
“We just needed to place some closure on the right field situation,” said Phillies GM Ruben Amaro Jr. “No offense to Benny (Ben Francisco) or Domonic Brown or Ross Gload, but they’re kind of boring. We’re solid at the other positions, but right field is an issue. Blue Man Group gives us a unit of three athletic, creative, sexually ambiguous, transgender individuals we can rotate in and out and get some solid entertainment value. I’m not too worried about the hitting. It’ll come.”
Blue Man Group is not the first performance art group to play in the majors. Mummenschanz, the Swiss surrealistic pantomime troupe, was signed by former Oakland A’s owner Charlie Finley to play in right field, when he dealt Reggie Jackson to Baltimore after the 1975 season.
The signing of Mummenschanz was ill conceived and was widely considered one of the maverick owner’s worst moves.
“They mimed catching the ball,” said former A’s center fielder Billy North. “Then the real ball would roll around in the right field corner as Charlie Spikes or some damn shit would round the bases on what should have been a fly ball out. It was all very Swiss and weird and witchy. But Blue Man Group seems like they’ll get the job done.”
Blue Man Group is expected to bat seventh in the lineup.