TSD Staffer on Retro Day: I Gotta Write on a Typewriter Now? This Fuckin’ Blows!
BOCA RATON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It happens in all sports. Throwback days. Professional baseball and football in particular enjoy reaching back to a bygone era and having players don uniforms many feel best left undonned.
Still, fans get a kick out of the occasional trip back in time. That’s why this past Friday, Sportsman’s Daily management thought it would be fun as well as a morale booster to hold a mandatory Retro Day at the company’s swank penthouse offices in Boca Raton.
“I gotta write on a typewriters now? This fuckin’ blows,” said 23 year old satire wunderkind, Blake Parker. “I hope (Charles) Epstein and (Tom) Alexander realize its hard to satirize people when you’re constantly having to change your ribbons. I’ve only seen these archaic monstrosities in movies made before 1985. I wasn’t even alive in 1985.”
“We believe holding an occasional Retro Day is healthy.” said Epstein, TSD’s Editor-in-Chief. “I felt our first foray into this experiment on Friday was a genuine attempt to capture the atmosphere of a hard working, big city newsroom in the early 1960‘s; The immutable bumble of the ticker tape machine, the cacophony of rotary phones ringing off the hook, and being caught in a machine gun-like crossfire of typewriters churning out chortle-inducing narrative is a nice topper to an otherwise ho hum week.”
Unfortunately, Retro Day was not without its uncomfortable moments as veteran 73 year old newsman, Chet Lassiter understood the throwback to include pinching the ass of Lorraine Kovak, the leggy receptionist, enjoying a three martini lunch, telling inappropriate jokes in mixed company, and mistaking TSD award winning African-American columnist, Harold Robinson for the delivery guy.