Sportsman’s Daily Endorses Stephen Colbert for Next Academy Awards Host

"Report" With the Audience? Most definitely. At least we think so.

BOCA RATON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It’s not often we break from sports on this website – but Nation, our voice must be heard.

We really have no idea what James Franco was on Sunday night when he co-hosted the Oscars with Anne Hathaway, but whatever it was, pass it to the guy on your left, not us. We prefer a dry martini or at least weed that doesn’t make you act like a total asshole.

Franco seemed as out of place as Paris Hilton cracking wise with Norm Crosby at a Friars Club luncheon.

In a tradition that boasts stalwarts like Bob Hope, Johnny Carson and Billy Crystal, its sobering to consider the hosts of the Academy Awards in recent years have been hit and miss – mostly miss. And speaking of miss, if this kind of piss poor hosting continues, we plan on missing it all together next year.

Nation, that’s why we wholeheartedly endorse one Stephen Tyrone Colbert as the host of next year’s Academy Awards. First off he’s capable of speaking in complete sentences. This is a plus, especially when you consider how many dialogue coaches are seated in the balcony. Secondly, if the Mayan calendar is correct and the world ends on December 21, 2012, at least we can go out with a few laughs before we’re besieged by locusts as our homes are swallowed into a chasm of hellfire.

Conversely, should 2012 come and go without incident, well then we’ll have someone to ask back for Hollywood’s biggest night of 2013 when John Carter of Mars edges out Kung Fu Hustle 2 for best sound recording. And you can take that one to the bank Vegas oddsmakers.

Bottom line Nation, why slosh about aimlessly in the sudsy backwash of comedic mediocrity, when Colbert can ride in on a chariot pulled by two sexually ambiguous thirteen and half inch statuettes as the majestic strains from Lawrence of Arabia fill the the furthest reaches of the Kodak Theatre hailing the triumphant return of comedy gold?

Yeah, we think that’s a good question too.

 

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