Pharmacy Technician for CVS Insists He’s Sportscaster for CBS
VALPARAISO, IN (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Tyler “Scooter” Post, a pharmacy technician at a local Valparaiso Indiana CVS Pharmacy has taken prescription dispensing to a new level. The 25 year old Post, who’s penchant for doing what he calls “play by play prescriptions” on the store’s PA system, has riled several customers who prefer to keep their health conditions private.
“Scooter’s certainly a colorful young man,” says Pharmacy Manager Alan Castle. “He’s wonderful behind the counter, and no one fills a bottle of cough syrup with as much aplomb as this kid, but for some reason he has an uncontrollable urge to snap into this sports announcer character who speaks mostly in the third person and goes really over the top when Mrs. (Bertha) Jenkins picks up her monthly supply of Cardizem.”
The delusional Post explained. “I’ve been working at CBS for 18 months now. I really enjoy it. The people here at the network are great. Admittedly, I’m kind of in an odd training period, with this whole prescription thing, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get on air. I’m young.”
Apparently Post has no idea he actually works at CVS, and not CBS. “I thought I saw Verne Lundquist in the hallway on Tuesday,” Post said. “But it turned out to be Mr. (Hayward) Corley reading the label on a tube of Lanacane.”
Suddenly, Post broke eye contact, grabbed the telephone, and hit the intercom switch launching into a full blown play-by-play description of what he saw next. “There she is! Gladys Thorpe, 78 years old, out of Valparaiso. This home grown star may have her best years behind her, but I’m betting on a glorious day like today, she can still bring it…Alan!” Post was obviously throwing the conversation over to the Pharmacy Manager, but he was busy filling a prescription for Disopyramide.
Post continued. “Apparently Alan’s experiencing some technical difficulties with his microphone. Well, I can tell you Thorpe suffers from high blood pressure, Osteoporosis, and Type Two Diabetes but she can still negotiate that tricky turn around the sugar free candy display.” Post then paused for dramatic effect. “And here she comes up to the counter looking a tad confused as she fumbles through her black pocket book for her Medicare card. We’ve seen this out of her in the past, but she always finds the card, even if she has to sit in the waiting area for a few minutes. Let’s see…A lint covered Life Saver, a Kleenex, Two dollars. There it is! There’s the Medicare card! Fans, this is why we play the game! Alan…Alan? Ok, I guess Alan’s still working on that microphone.”
After attempting to explain to Post he was not working for CBS, but in fact for CVS, the delusional young pharmacy tech waved it off. “Look,” Post said in a hushed tone. “I understand some of the veteran players like to keep their maladies on the down low. It’s a business. Injuries lower your stock a bit. But I’ve got a job to do. I know the guys at the network are watching me and I’ve got to be on my game. I think they’re going to send me up to the Chesterton location next weekend, to try my skills out on the road. Things are starting to happen.”