Robert De Niro’s Plan to Bring Third Baseball Team to New York Gets Raves at Press Conference

Teamwork! That’s what Robert De Niro wants to see if he’s successful in bringing a third Major League franchise to New York.

NEW YORK  (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) As a boy, Robert De Niro didn’t know Mickey Mantle from Mickey Mouse. Though he had virtually no interest in the sport, he played a baseball player in Bang the Drum Slowly, played a deranged baseball fan in The Fan, and even whacked a guy with bat while playing Al Capone in The Untouchables. So it’s safe to say, he’s picked up a little bit about the game – a little bit.

But now De Niro is leading a group which plans on clearing space in the TriBeCa neighborhood and building a 45,000 seat stadium, to add the New York metropolitan area’s third Major League franchise.

“This is gonna be good. It’s gonna be good. It’s gonna be good,” the 65 year old actor said to an overflowing throng of media in De Niro’s production office. “This is the only city in the world that can support three baseball teams. They did it before for over fifty years, and the population’s bigger now.”

The New York area did support three teams until 1957.  The Yankees played in the Bronx at Yankee Stadium, while the National League Giants played at the Polo Grounds on 8th Avenue in Manhattan, and the Dodgers played at Ebbets Field in Brooklyn. After the Giants and Dodgers migrated west before the 1958 season, the Yankees were the only team left in New York until the Mets entered the National League in 1962.

“I got a cousin in Battery Park who can hardly wait for opening day,” De Niro added gleefully. “I’ve also got an aunt in Paramus. No wait, she died.”

Opening day may not be for several years, as Major League Baseball has yet to review the De Niro group’s petition.

De Niro wasn’t sure which league would take the new team should the deal be approved.

“I’m very excited to put a team here and that’s it,” added the Academy Award winning actor. “I don’t really give a shit which league they play in, OK? You got that – you stupid fucks?”

It soon became evident to the media members on hand that De Niro wasn’t holding a press conference, but was instead rehearsing for the part of maverick business tycoon, Prescott Finger in the upcoming film, The Third Team, currently set to go into production next month.

“Let’s not forget, Mr. De Niro is a method actor,” said Paramount Pictures studio executive, David Kaplan. “In order for him to attain the highest level of his art, he must inhabit the role. He literally has to become Prescott Finger. If that means calling phony press conferences and raising the hopes of millions of New York sports fans, so be it. It’ll all be worth it at the end as I’m sure we’ll all be treated to another in a long line of memorable performances where he fixates on a line and repeats it three times and scrunches up his face where you’re not sure if he’s happy or constipated.”

 

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