Diver Produces Actual Long Missing “Flare for the Dramatic”
MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) After tagging a solo homer in the tenth inning Wednesday leading the Dodgers to a 5-4 victory over the red hot Florida Marlins, right fielder Andre Ethier told reporters the elusive “flare for the dramatic must be near here somewhere.”
He was right.
Similar to renowned 19th century archaeologist Heinrich Schliemann using Homer’s “Odyssey” as his guide to unearth lost civilizations, divers acted on Ethier’s hunch and found the flare at 5:23AM Thursday morning in the Biscayne Bay.
“We had our suspicions,” said sports historian Connor Seagrave-Daley. “This team (Dodgers) has been struggling lately. So when Andre hit the game-winning homer, then accurately came to the conclusion the actual flare was in the general vicinity, that was good enough for us.”
“Flare for the dramatic” is a term that has long been used by sports writers to describe electrifying and sudden endings to sporting events. Very few people believed the flare was indeed real.
But Seagrave-Daley felt differently.
“Every sport has the capacity to rival the theatre in terms of breathtaking, almost shattering drama,” the 58 year said. “We’ve all seen it happen for time in memorial. I’ve always contended that the flare isn’t just metaphorical – but that it must be a very complex vortex that is above all things, real.”
Although Seagrave-Daley had been close to unearthing the cagey flare, it was Ethier who was the catalyst.
“The flare was almost exactly where Andre said it would be,” said diver Preston Dodds. “There’s something to be said for a ballplayer’s instincts. I’d say this one was right smack on.”
Only one person outside the team of archaeologists saw the flare as Dodds surfaced in the early morning hours.
“I was eating my box of donuts when this guy came up from the depths,” said dock worker Anthony Carbone. “It was nice – like a Statue of Liberty moment. I stood up, took off my cap, and sang God Bless America. Then I ate the rest of my donuts.”