LeBron’s Performance Buried at Sea in Exceptionally Awkward Traditional Muslim Ceremony
CHICAGO (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) 5 for 15 is apparently all it takes to be considered officially dead. LeBron James and the Miami Heat suffered an embarrassing Game 1 loss to the Chicago Bulls 103-82 in the NBA’s Eastern Conference Finals. James poor 15 point performance was quickly rendered dead, wrapped in a white sheet and taken twelve miles out onto Lake Michigan and dumped into water believed to be 425 feet deep. LeBron observed the traditional Muslim burial.
“OK. Well, I guess I’ll have to start over and figure out how to play this game,” said LeBron. “Sheikh Ahmed Abdul-Malik told me ‘hang in there, we’ll get ‘em next time.’”
It was also explained to LeBron that even though Sunday’s performance is in fact very dead, his career can live again.
Heat teammate Chris Bosh, who led his team with 30 points, wanted to see more proof that LeBron’s game was actually dead.
“They buried it at sea, and I’m supposed to it as gospel, in a manner of speaking?” said Bosh. “We’re talking about King James here. We’re talking about a guy who, although he’s never won anything, is extremely talented. You can’t just run the risk of letting his game wash up on the shores of Waukegan for cryin’ out loud.”