From the Archives: Statue of Virgin Mary Won’t Stop Crying, Then Laughing Over Minnesota Twins

Hail Mary! Twins fans flock to St. Anthony’s Church to see the emotionally conflicted statue.

ST. PAUL, MN (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Most fans of the Minnesota Twins went into the season with what they thought were realistic expectations about their ball club’s chances in 2012. What they didn’t foresee was the worst record in the American League.

“Things have sort of flip flopped,” said Father Leo Forlano of St. Anthony’s Roman Catholic Church in St. Paul. “It’s the Cleveland Indians that should be at the bottom, not us.”

The season as a whole is what has many Twin Cities parishioners and curiosity seekers flocking to the front of the church to see the statue of the Virgin Mary, which hasn’t stopped it’s seemingly uncontrollable bouts of crying and laughter.

“It’s as plain as day,” said 58 year old Joey Carbone, a postal worker, lifelong Twins fan, and part time Catholic. “The Blessed Mother is at a sort of emotional crossroads, not knowing whether to laugh or cry, like most of us Twins fans. What a total freekin’ mess this team is – a real joke.”

The statue rarely looks at peace according to most eyewitnesses. Some claim to have even heard it whisper “trade Justin Mourneau while you can still get something for him.”

The Vatican has had no official comment, but says it is most likely not related to the statue of St. Peter which complains daily about the Bologna soccer team.


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