Stevie Williams Thrashes Mickelson Fan with Sand Wedge; Apologizes for “Ill-Advised” Club Selection
Violent outburst last straw as Tiger announces breakup
NEW ZEALAND (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) “I want to express my deepest gratitude to Stevie for all his help, but I think it’s time for a change,” Woods announced on TigerWoods.com. “Stevie is an outstanding caddie and a friend and has been instrumental in many of my accomplishments. I wish him great success in the future.”
Since the announcement, the golf world was buzzing as to the cause of the breakup. It’s now come out that Williams embarrassed the embattled golfer by using a sand wedge to pummel a vacationing Phoenix native he mistook for a Phil Mickelson fan — apparently not the first violent outburst from Tiger’s long-time caddie — during a charity event in the caddie’s native New Zealand.
The incident has a well known back story as one of the least well-guarded secrets on the PGA tour is the up and down relationship between Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson. Ironically, it was the relationship between Tiger and Stevie Williams that took the hit when Williams made his feelings toward the world’s number five golfer known during the weekend event.
“I just said hello and reached out my hand,” said 42 year old Kent Smith, who managed to stave off Williams’ wildly flailing sand wedge. “He just assumed I was a Mickelson fan because I was wearing a Bearing Point cap and a shit-eating grin. The next thing I know three David Duvall fans – I didn’t know he had any – are pulling this maniac off me, as he’s calling me every name in the book. It was quite a shock, let me tell you.”
“Stevie Williams’ club selection is damn near impeccable,” said event organizer Jemaine Clement. “Though his choice of words is far less so, particularly when the words Phil Mickelson — or just Mickelson or Lefty — are mentioned. He just goes nuts.”
Shortly after the incident, Williams elaborated a bit more on his feelings toward Mickelson.
“He pays me no respect at all and hence I don’t pay him any respect. It’s no secret we absolutely can’t stand the sight of each other.” Williams paused. “And to tell you the truth, I’m not a big Tiger fan at the moment either.”
“You mean he hit the guy with a sand wedge and didn’t send him to the hospital?” asked an amused Mickelson when told of the incident. “No wonder, he’s probably still using those Nikes.” Several years ago Mickelson caused a stir when he said Woods’ Nike clubs were technically inferior – just after Woods signed a major endorsement deal with the company.
“Phil shouldn’t take it personally,” said Woods, brushing the comments aside. “Phil’s not the only guy Stevie’s not crazy about. Ask him about Vijay (Singh)…or better yet, Sergio (Garcia). He was a great caddie for many years, but it’s time for a change. In fact, to anyone listening, I’ve changed my cell and home number, I won’t be taking your calls — that goes for you Monica, Lizette, Tanya, Felicia and the chick with the dragon tattoo above her tailbone, no hard feelings. Things haven’t been working out too well this past year or so…time to clear the slate.”
“Garcia?” Williams virtually spat, upon hearing his former employer’s comments. “Singh? Can’t stand ‘em. Ditto for (Jim) Furyk and (Ernie) Els. And let’s not forget Stuart fucking Appleby. Jeee-sus H. Christ! Fuck ‘em, fuck ‘em every last one.” Williams seethed, then paused as though assessing a tricky green. “Did Tiger put you up to this? You know what…fuck Tiger too. Fuck him and fuck these shitty Nikes…you hit someone with a sand wedge you expect to be sending him to the fucking hospital. Bad club selection, just terrible. It’s a bleeding fucking embarrassment. Next guy I sign on with it’s either Calloways or Pings, nothing less will do.”