Jim McMahon Sues NFL over Concussions; At Least He Thinks He Did

McToast. Jim McMahon hopes things will turn out right, so he says.


PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Former Chicago Bears quarterback, Jim McMahon, along with seven other former players, sued the NFL over concussion related injuries.

Players lawyer, Larry Coben said the NFL has known about concussion risks since the 1920’s and kept players, coaches, trainers, and the public in the dark since last year.

“The big issue, for us, is they were told for decades to lead with their heads,” said Coben. “Well they did lead with their heads, and now my clients can’t work a fucking can opener. Jim McMahon doesn’t even know he’s here, for Christ’s sake!”

McMahon shuffled aimlessly in the hallway outside the courtroom enjoying tapioca pudding and smiling at passersby.

“I’m my own teeth,” McMahon murmured cryptically. “And one day I’m going to eat something solid. You are not your own teeth or my teeth for that matter, and yet we stand here chewing the fat. Ha ha. That’s a joke son. I think.”

McMahon was taken to a holding area where he played with building blocks. Coben says he promises to get McMahon what he’s owned, and says he won’t try to swindle him out of his money.

“Me? Take advantage? Me? I wouldn’t do that.” Coben added, his eyes darting around the room. “Jimmy’s gonna be a happy boy.”

McMahon claims he knows exactly what’s going on and is watching his defense team’s every move – while waiting for the spaceship from the Andromeda Galaxy to take him back to Chicago.



Comments are closed.