Yankees Have Horrific Surprise Awaiting Tigers in Game Three
DETROIT (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) New York Yankees manager, Joe Girardi claims his team has a gruesome and horrifying surprise planned for the Detroit Tigers and their fans during Monday night’s Game Three matchup of the American League Division Series. The time of the unspecified event is a mystery.
“I’m not coming.” said Tigers third baseman Brandon Inge. “I don’t like surprises, especially the horrific, gruesome kind with severed heads and exposed innards strewn all over the joint. I prefer delightful, funny, lighthearted moments with balloons and ice cream and old men playing the calliope with dancing monkeys and flowers and bountiful sunshine straight up my ass – all of which I’m well aware of long before it happens.”
Baseball guru Peter Gammons claims he has inside information on what Girardi has up his sleeve, and Inge’s instincts to stay far from the ballpark are the right ones.
“Inge is smart to stay away. It’s not going to be pretty.” Gammons said. “Life is a hellhole – an endless abyss of pain and suffering, followed by shadows, darkness, then more pain and suffering. Up until now, baseball has served as a distraction. But Monday Girardi’s skillfully orchestrated stunt will reveal itself and the grand game’s denouement will be at hand. I just hope I don’t have to help gather up the rotting corpses of former Tiger greats. Oops, did I let the cat out of the bag?”
Game Four is scheduled for Tuesday at 8:30 PM.