Yankees Celebratory Champagne Given to Bronx Wino
BRONX, NY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The lockers were outfitted with protective tarps, the bubbly was on ice, and winning was just a formality. Only the Yankees forgot to win. The Detroit Tigers shocked the Yanks and 50,960 fans in New York Thursday night defeating the Bronx Bombers 3-2.
But one fan is happy.
Calvin “Pappy” Douglas, the renowned wino who meanders aimlessly between 161st Street and River Avenue finds him self the proud new owner of twenty cases of Veuve Clicquot Brut Yellow Label. That’s because the Yankees were not in a celebratory mood, and donated their stash of champagne to the first taker, who just happened to be Douglas.
“This is some nice champagne.” said the former Con Ed engineer. “I’d hoped for an Armand de Brignac Gold or a Pierrier Jouet Fleur de Cristal, but in this economy, the Veuve works just fine.”
A small throng of media gathered around the unbathed 64 year old, and his pet rats as he spoke.
“This is one of the greatest days of my life.” he said. “Not since the time I tripped a switch that fucked up the grid which led to the 1977 blackout, have I felt so important. I’d like to thank Joe Girardi and his misguided, ill-conceived decision making, as well as A-Rod, and the rest of the team for going limp when it counts. Due to their towering inefficiency, I can share this lovely cache of bubbly with my best friends Marty, Roger, Duane, and Freda. Let’s go Expos!”