Mommas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow up to be Wide Receivers!
The Plaxico Corporation
WTF? I mean, WTF? Something just isn’t right. Can somebody please clear this up for me? What is it with NFL wide receivers?
Let’s start with Randy Moss: Bumping a police officer with his car. Left the field during a game. Mooned Packers fans (OK, two points for style on that one), accused of lack of effort on the field on several occasions, accused of date violence.
Terrell Owens: Almost everything he did with the Philadelphia Eagles. The spitting incident. Trashing Parcells. The Hydrocodone overdose. The Desperate Housewives skit. The endless controversial touchdown celebrations.
Chad (Johnson) Ocho Cinco: Changed his name to Ocho Cinco in August of this year and keeps a list on how he ranks defensive backs who cover him. Blames the Bengals for everything.
Plaxico Burress: Two domestic disturbances in August and September of this year — and shooting himself in the leg last week.
Is it running the routes that make them crazy? Is it the double coverage? Is it the high profile, superstar treatment? What is it that makes them make us say WTF? I don’t remember John Stallworth or Nat Moore ever making the sports page for anything other than their stats.
Somebody, please give us an answer.
Maybe they just figure by being controversial, they can somehow parlay that into a broadcasting or movie career. And they’re probably right.
How’s this? Ocho Cinco and Terrell Owens are buddy cops in search of a deranged killer played by Plaxico Burress. When they finally come face to face, Burress pulls out an AK-47 — and shoots himself in the leg. THE END.