12 Year Old Boy Purchases Contract of Matt Kemp With 800 Million Green Stamps
LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Los Angeles Dodgers have sold the contract of star outfielder, Matt Kemp to twelve year old baseball fan, Timmy Bradford for the sum of eight hundred million Green Stamps.
“Yes, we still take S&H® Green Stamps.” said team Vice President and Assistant General Manager, Basil Slobodan. “Master Bradford apparently unearthed a cache of booklets containing millions of Green Stamps, saved by his grandmother Louise while shopping at the Safeway® on Olive Avenue in Burbank from 1965 until 1981. It was really cute when he walked in with them and wanted to buy out Matty’s contract. How do you say ‘no’ to something like that?”
Kemp, who’s required to report to Bradford’s neighborhood team, the Studio City Stallions, was not amused.
“What the fuck, Bro?” bristled Kemp. “This is worse than being traded. Shit!! Really? Green Stamps? Now I gotta play in an uneven, rocky outfield with a bunch of snot nosed kids waiting for Timmy’s mom to bring us lemonade. At least she’s hot. I’ll definitely be tappin’ me some of that ass.”
Kemp will be eligible to return to the Dodgers for the 2014 season.