Sportsman’s Daily Kills Off Beloved “Mike Vogel” Character
You're Fired! The Mike Vogel character set ablaze before falling face first into a vat of snakes. It's all part of the job.
BOCA RATON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) In a stunning move that sent ripples through the Sportsman’s Daily newsroom on Tuesday, senior brass at the wildly popular sports satire standard-bearer since 1,800 B.C.E., has killed off the beloved Mike Vogel character. Vogel appeared in numerous articles over the past two years in either leading or supporting roles.
The final call to forever rid the site of Vogel was not an easy one.
“The decision to unceremoniously knock off this fictitious albatross by setting him ablaze then kicking him down a manhole into a pit of highly poisonous Saw-scaled Vipers and Inland Taipans wasn’t taken lightly.” said TSD Editor-in-Chief, Charles Epstein. “But we just needed to make sure he was gone forever. We felt we had done about as much with the Vogel figure as we possibly could, and sadly his recent appearances were tedious. I dreaded them. But admittedly, in the beginning he provided everyone with some serious comedy gold.”
Vogel first appeared in an article on October 9, 2009, then popped up frequently in stories that transcended sports satire.
“He belonged to the world.” said longtime TSD staffer, Conrad Seagrave-Daley. “He could be brilliant in the hands of myself or any other skilled writer here. But occasionally, he would try to go off on his own and write his own material or worse, freestyle, as some characters sadly develop a life of their own and get all cocksure of themselves. Holy shit, what a total clusterfuck that was.”
Vogel is survived by a cousin, Parker Vogel, who appeared only one TSD article. Funeral arrangements are pending.