Footage of Bin Laden’s Driveway Basketball Dunks Have Pat Riley Kicking Himself

 

Slam Dunk Millionaire. Pat Riley in the situation room with Washington elite watching OBL's highlight reel.

ABBOTTABAD, PAKISTAN (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service)“Holy shit!” Those were the words of Miami Heat president, Pat Riley yesterday after the legendary basketball lifer was cleared to watch classified video highlights of Osama bin Laden in several driveway basketball games in his heavily fortified compound.

“To think I passed on this guy back in 1996. I might have caught him before he decided to go bat shit crazy.” said Riley. “At only 6’5” he was a small guard, but played like a big man. Dude had crazy rebounding skills.  He never lost his quickness, even after going through multiple dialysis treatments a week. And those dunks. I just don’t know where those kind of ups come from especially while wearing those robes and sandals.”

Bin Laden, the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks in the United States, and perhaps the most reviled man in the world, was killed in an operation by Navy Seals on May 2 of 2011.

President Barack Obama, himself a skilled basketball player, conceded it was a shame Bin Laden had to use his considerable hoop skills for evil.

“Bitch was a baller but a total douche bag,” the president said.

Footage of an 18 year old Bin Laden participating in an exhibition slam dunk contest before a Kentucky Colonels-Virginia Squires ABA game from November 20, 1975 has apparently been lost to history.

 

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